Home > family, humor, Phone, wife > Life is tough when you’re not “Brad Pitt”

Life is tough when you’re not “Brad Pitt”

It’s about 90F here in picture perfect Maryland.  I am reminded of summertime foods, fruit/vegetable stands on the side of the road, and this topic.

Let me start by setting the stage. 

Scenario #1: Try to picture yourself kayaking in open water, its turbulent, you are little nervous.  Out of nowhere comes Brad Pitt in his own kayak.  He asks, “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you need any help?”

Scenario #2: Try to picture yourself selling fruits and vegetables on a side of the road in some distant foreign country, and you are alone by yourself.  Again out of nowhere, here comes Brad Pitt in his fancy sports car.  Wind is blowing through his perfect movie star hair and he approaches you to start up a conversation, maybe even a little flirt.

Is there anything wrong with any of these situations? Anything alarming?

Okay, let’s use couple of real examples now. 

Example #1:  My buddy was kayaking with his sea specific kayak and enjoying a beautiful day on the ocean, taking photos and just absorbing all the natural beauty.  Things start getting turbulent, so he starts heading back to shore.  He spots a lady in a recreational kayak struggling to get to the shore.  He quickly gets to her and asks very politely, “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you need any help?”  She instantly lashes out at him!  And says, “Stop stalking me, I’m calling the police when I get back!”

Example #2:  Around this time of the year, we have influx of Norwegian teenage girls working fruits and vegetable stands near our house, on a side of a small road.  Lots of respect goes out to these young ladies for doing such a difficult job when they could be out partying or relaxing.  Instead, it’s just her, the stand, & one little umbrella baking under the blistering sun or getting bombarded by rain.  So anyway, my wife and I always try to get something from her because it just feels like the right thing to do.  One time we are waiting at the 4way intersection, and my wife alarms me about our favorite vegetable girl.  She tells me there is something suspicious going on.  I look over and there is a silver Prius, fully decorated with all the “standard” Prius bumper stickers on the rear, parked next to the stand.  There is a middle aged man trying to have a conversation with the vegetable girl.  Wind is gently blowing and his comb-over hair is flying straight up like a sail.  Man has thick glasses and looks just like many of the scientists I work with.  My wife says the situation is very bad and insists the vegetable girl needs help.  She actually pulled out her phone to dial 911 only to find out her phone was dead, as usual…lol.  At this point I am in disbelief that my own wife would react this way.  I simply told my wife to stop profiling.  Just because a guy looks like a creep doesn’t mean he is about to harm her. 

I’m actually curious how many phone calls like this go through 911/police.  Was my wife overreacting? Did my buddy do the wrong thing by offering help?  I never want to be caught in any situation like this, and that’s the reason why I will never ever talk to a stranger woman.  For example, if a stranger lady and I are walking toward a same door, I will always throttle back so she gets there first.  I don’t want to deal with any complication that may result from holding a door open for a lady.

Categories: family, humor, Phone, wife
  1. kzackuslheureux
    March 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Well, your wife can count on you to stay faithful I suppose. But good on your buddy for offering help. I always smile my best smile for anyone that opens the door for me. And a few trips ago at the Costco, one poor girl offering samples, was being pestered so bad by some greasy old John, that I wanted him arrested! Cheers!

    • March 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

      That was the exact reaction my wife had!! She wanted to have the guy arrested on the spot. Maybe its a woman’s instinct to know when another woman is in some kind of threat? kinda like when team of women play against team of men in game of Taboo the board game.

      And yes, I am extremely loyal and faithful to my best friend/wife. I even have a post dedicated to her and the kids, “I love my wife…”

      • kzackuslheureux
        March 23, 2012 at 3:41 pm

        Women can’t stand old pervs! They’re much better, or at least much more tolerable, when they’re young and handsome 😉

        • March 23, 2012 at 3:51 pm

          Lol, I suppose thats telling it like it is. But I can’t help to wonder, what if they are not pervs. What if they are just really chatty greaseballs? An accusation like that can really devastate a guy’s feeling, especially if he is truly a nice guy.

          • kzackuslheureux
            March 23, 2012 at 4:22 pm

            Perhaps, but when this guy at Costco had to go on and on about all the crap old ladies out there and how he needed to find a young one, and wouldn’t leave that particular young one, alone, I was ready to hand him a baby wipe, tell him to clean off the grease, stop thinking he deserves some young hotty, and give him a mirror! 😉

            • March 23, 2012 at 5:18 pm

              vous devriez le frapper

              • kzackuslheureux
                March 23, 2012 at 5:20 pm

                oh great now I need to get out my translator… isn’t french, great now I have to wake up my translator from his rare to be had, nap! Much Love!

                • March 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

                  lol, how about just hitting me with the “like” button?

                  • kzackuslheureux
                    March 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm

                    ah, that’s so inpersonable. I’ll get on it.

  2. Arlee Bird
    March 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

    It is kind of a sad state of affairs and we sometimes have a difficult time knowing what to do and how to react. I think there is a great deal of paranoia stirred up by the media, but nevertheless there are certain people who will take anything you do wrong. I enjoy hearing some of those crazy stories about the 911 calls. I recall once when my wife called 911 about me because I had made a joke in reference to something she had said and it bugged so bad that she felt she needed police help. The police responded quickly and after hearing my explanation decided that everything was in order. He was very professional and acted very serious, but I can’t help but think that he probably laughed once he got in his car.

    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog

    • March 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

      and its this paranoia that seems to create lot of relationship damage among various people, even between husband and wife 😦
      Thanks for your input, looking forward to checking out your blogs, sir.

  3. Da-playa
    March 26, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    I feel sorry for the fool married to these you know what. kno what i’m saying?

    • March 26, 2012 at 2:16 pm

      I think marriage requires lot of effort and sacrafice, regardless which type of person you marry. I bet you make your spouse feel like she is the luckiest woman in the world. Thanks for playing.

  4. March 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    This is a sad but all too important fact of life. At any moment, anywhere, any woman could be grabbed and raped by any man. It is a basic fact that we are essentially defenseless. (Not to say women are weak, but lets all be honest about how safe we would feel in an apocalyptic setting as women, as capable and safe as a man?) I don’t think it’s paranoia. How can a man, who walks about freely and with no real reason to expect an attack, understand that EVERY time we walk down an alley alone we feel a twinge. It is fear for a reason, and that reason is that no matter how much we want to say that we’ve developed into a society of equality between the genders, horrible acts against women happen every day, what are the statistics on women attacking men? Sorry to go all feminist, and I do not mean to be rude, but it’s something to think about. So yes, if a man I do not know approaches me, looks at me “funny” or brings up an uncomfortable topic in conversation, I’m gonna go ahead and let myself feel uneasy. None of my male friends have mace on their keychains…

    SIDE NOTE: it’s also important to bear in mind that I believe the reason for the trust of Brad Pitt comes from the fact that he is a public figure and ever present in the public eye. Hotties can be just as creepy as lecherous old men, and in full honesty if Brad Pitt approaches me without his entourage and we’re completely alone, no way I’m getting in that car.

    • March 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

      You can be rude, mean, nasty, political, & violent as much as you want here. Your comments have my utmost respect! I totally understand where you are coming from, safety comes first. Infact, I’m training my wife in various hand2hand combat moves incase shit happens. She goes out jogging every night, which makes me all paranoid! She doesn’t just carry a mace, I make sure she carries a Bear Mace. I think you should, too 🙂
      So would you be quick to call 911 for merely spotting a greasy “John”?

      Side note: what if I revise this post and replace all “Brad Pitt” with that guy from your past, the one that is hidden inside some of your blogs? 🙂

      • March 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm

        Well, that would require him to approach me, he’s fleeting like a gazelle so I think not. However, if you replaced Brad Pitt with Hugh Jackman, that would be tempting…

  5. March 27, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Chris you crack me up, love your delivery! My two cents for what it’s worth….guys seem to assume that if a girl is pretty that it’s his unalienable right to talk to her, make a comment near her or monopolize her time, as if her pleasing presence is a gift for him alone, what luck, he says, she amuses me and is therefore mine….. Why do men assume this? Yes it’s nice to get a compliment but we also have lives to live and maybe we have boyfriends or husbands of our own and can therefore care less that someone wants to hang around and tell us their boring stories (yawn). We are not idiots, we know when someone is genuine, I’m sure you wouldn’t get the same response as the greasy guy!

    • March 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm

      I crack you up? lol, I think your post about your dad is absolutely witty! Folks, you have to check it out at this link, picture alone is just priceless

      I noticed lot of confident guys act the way you just described. I just assume it must work to some degree becuase they have no problem getting dates and such. Everybody has their own style, I suppose.
      Luckily I never had to compete at that level to marry my wife. I still can’t believe she married me..lol. I always joke with her and tell her I ended up with a better deal 🙂

  6. March 27, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Awww that’s sweet! And thanks for the compliment on my blog, it means a lot!

    re: your comment on your blog-Unless you really like the guy it’s actually annoying lol.

    • March 27, 2012 at 10:38 pm

      I always give credit where credit is due, so its a well deserved complement on your blog 🙂 Something tells me you know how to handle any annoying situation thrown at you.

  7. purpleowltree1234
    May 8, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Ahh, these are precarious situations you wrote about! If it were me, I’d have gone up to the lady kayaking, she might actually have needed help. Even if she called the cops on him, they’d realise he did the right thing. As far as the greasy man chatting up the fruit lady, I would have gone up to her and asked gently, are you ok? Do you need any help? Is this man bothering you? I guess I live in Australia, and people rarely carry guns here unless they’re cops or bikies. I just think… it’s essential to listen to your gut feelings. If your gut feelings are telling you hey, somehting’s not right here, then you need to pay atttention to that. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. I quite possibly wouldn’t have called 911 on the greasy guy, but I would have let the girl know you were there if she felt bothered by the man, and at the same time you’d give the man a clear message, hey, I’m watching you and I’m protecting her, so be careful. You could’ve taken your wife’s bear mace (I’ve never heard of such a thing before! We don’t even carry mace in Australia- not even sure it would be legal!) with you for back-up if the guy got nasty to you. …if your gut feeling is telling you something is wrong, listen up! Survey your options and do whatever you think you need to do. Even if your wife did call 911 and the guy was harmless, at least there would have been no risk that the fruit lady would have been hurt. And maybe the guy would rethink chatting up pretty ladies for extended periods of time, in the future.
    So sad you feel intimidated by the possibility of a woman getting upset with you holding a door open for them. Anyone who holds a door open for me (I can think of one particularly heavy door at my local huge mall), gets a smile and thank you! And if I can hold the door open for the next person, then that makes me feel good too. So sad that the few scary people out there can intimidate people into treating everyone like they might be scary.. but then who am I to talk!? I’m the queen of avoidance. 🙂
    Thanks for sharing.

    • May 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

      Thanks for your most indept reply on this topic :). Its so cool you live in the outback! This blog actually created the most traffic on my blog, until Dana got the Freshly pressed status, and just the visitors from her site created more traffic than anything else I’ve done in the past..lol.
      Based on most of the comments from this blog, I have a feeling the fruit girl is well protected, by every watchful women that drive up and down that street. And I learned something, too. Me knowing this powerful protective force field is around her, how am I going to buy fruits and vegetables from her? I might have to park my car on the side of the road until somebody else shows up to buy something from her. I don’t I want to risk buying anything from her while she is alone 😦

      • purpleowltree1234
        May 8, 2012 at 12:20 pm

        You’re so funny! EMBRACE the safety, don’t be intimidated by it. lol

        • May 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm

          My life is pretty hectic as it is, and it needs to operate at a near flawless rate in order for me to make it through the day. I can’t afford luxury of taking little risks that can end up as an embarrassment or being yelled at by another woman, other than my wife…lol.

  8. July 27, 2012 at 11:43 am

    I kind of agree with Arlee Bird at the top. It is sad that , on example 1, the lady yelled at your friend. All I can say is that she has issues and that should in no way prevent him from trying again and following his instincts. I have to be honest here that once I tried to give a homeless man a plate of food and he yelled at me at the top of his lungs to go away and it scared and scarred me so bad, I have yet to try again, so do as I say and not as I do! On example 2, since it is your wife I am not going to say she has issues, women normally have better instincts than man and indeed perhaps she felt something odd was going on, but still instead of calling the police I would hope, specially since she had a strong young man with her, that she would just walk over and gauge the situation before calling the cops.
    And stop being a chicken, go and hold the door open any chance you can, to all women, men, kids, animals. Someone holding the door open for me always get rewarded with such huge smile of thank you that it brightens their entire day!!

    • July 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

      Apparently somebody did call the police, the other day, because there were patrol cars all over the veggie girl as I was driving home. Turns out some creep did try something and there was a man hunt for the guy. Women and their instincts…wow.
      Stop being a chicken?? lol, its called risk mitigation 🙂

      • July 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

        1. Always listen to your wife!
        2. Stop being a lawyer!

        • July 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

          You know, I never told my wife about the police incident around the veggie girl…lol. She doesn’t have to know she was right on this one, right? hahaha
          Stop being a lawyer? lol, if I had a penny for everytime I heard that from my wife…lol

          • July 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

            oh come on, you are not going to keep that from her – you will eventually tell her and she will tell you I told you so!
            I guess I am as wise as her or she is as wise as me – oh, we both have you figured out!

            • July 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

              nope, pretty sure she’ll never hear it from me…lol. You guys are the reason why a below average looking guy cannot get fresh fruits and veggies from side of the road…lol

              • July 27, 2012 at 3:25 pm

                don’t blame me ! I wasn’t even there!!

                • July 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

                  I know your type…lol. You know you would have called 911 to report that combover guy…lol.

                  • July 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

                    not me, I would have walked over and punched him on the nose! 911 takes too long!

                    • July 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

                      lol, and the sad thing is, you can probably get away with that…hahahaha

                    • July 27, 2012 at 5:47 pm

                      Fortunately never had to try it! So, don’t test me! hahaha

                    • July 27, 2012 at 10:42 pm

                      remember, “wax on & wax off”… lol. Let me know if that makes no sense to you 🙂

                    • July 27, 2012 at 10:59 pm

                      The Karate Kid! Ralph Macchio was really cute!

                    • July 27, 2012 at 11:04 pm

                      lol, you definitely passed my “normal test” with that answer…hahaha. 80s was great, wasn’t it? 🙂

                    • July 27, 2012 at 11:14 pm

                      it was, of course I was only a baby then, so the memory is foggy, but I am great on useless American trivia!

                    • July 27, 2012 at 11:35 pm

                      lol…oh p’leeze, you were NOT a baby when that movie came out. Useless? That movie changed lives, baby!

                    • July 27, 2012 at 11:51 pm

                      oh I meant BABE! lol

                    • July 28, 2012 at 12:06 am

                      oh la la! a babe with a matching 80’s giant hairdo? hahaha

                    • July 28, 2012 at 9:09 am

                      hey, leave my hair alone!!

                    • July 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

                      k, I’ll leave your hair alone. But can I openly talk about your birthmark on your forehead? 🙂

                    • July 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

                      tsk, tsk, tsk!! You are assuming I have a birthmark on my forehead, and I don’t!! There is a story behind the name and I will write a post about it soon! 🙂

                    • July 28, 2012 at 5:26 pm

                      okay okay, just a quick adjustment in my imagination department and I will make that correction..lol

                    • July 28, 2012 at 5:43 pm

                      be careful with those adjustments …

                    • July 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

                      Huh? all I did was remove the “Gorbachev” birthmark from the forehead…lol. I’M JUST KIDDING!!!! JUST KIDDING!!
                      Lets just replace the image with the Wonder Woman removing her star crown…lol

                    • July 28, 2012 at 5:57 pm

                      I will let that one go-lol

                    • July 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

                      *whew*… thank goodness you have good sense of humor. I’m not very eloquent incase you haven’t noticed 😦

                    • July 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

                      well, you have been eloquent enough for me! Enjoy the rest of your weekend! I gotta go get ready to go out for dinner and then also need to go look for the Bionic Woman on netflix – your trip down memory lane remind me of how much I used to enjoy that show! and the Love Boat, Big Valley, Little House on the Prairie, the Banana splits, the Monkeys…stop me at any time and tell me to get a life!! lol

                    • July 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

                      Thanks, looks like I made a good recovery with the Wonder Woman comparison 🙂
                      Thats really cool you watched Bionic woman! I remember getting so pumped up for the episode where the Bionic man and Bionic woman teamed up.
                      Little house on the prairie…man, do you remember the episode where Mary lost her vision? my sister and I were crying…it was just sooo unfair….lol
                      The Monkees…I STILL watch “Daydream believer” music video on youtube on regular basis 🙂
                      How about Ann of green gables? did you watch that one, too? it was really good.

                    • July 28, 2012 at 11:36 pm

                      I too was very excited about them teaming up! lol
                      I actually don’t remember how Mary lost her vision, so no, I didn’t cry over it!
                      I never seen Ann of Green Gables – I guess it was not shown in Brazil!
                      Some of my other favorites were: Rin Tin Tin, Zorro, Daniel Boone, Gidget, Bonanza.
                      What do you watch now?

                    • July 29, 2012 at 2:39 pm

                      oh my goodness, you missed a CRUCIAL episode of the Little house on the prarie. I still have mental scars from that episode 😦
                      I’m currently following the Olympics, then it was Tour de France, then it was “LOST”, and finally “Melrose place”. What about you?

                    • July 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm

                      Right now I am watching anything Olympics and tennis (US Open series), even the boring cycling- lol jk…
                      Lost and Melrose Place, would have never guessed! Melrose Place?? really???
                      I like shows such as Mentalist and Criminal Minds, and any court room drama show. I also make a point of recording Survivor and Amazing Race. I never watch anything live though, I always recorded it so I can watch it without commercials.

                    • July 29, 2012 at 3:43 pm

                      I nearly had a heart attack when you said boring cycling…lol
                      Lost was really really good, it was as addicing as cycling 🙂
                      You seem to have taste for mentally challenging shows, good for you 🙂
                      Did you say you were a real Braziliian woman?

                    • July 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

                      Real,Brazilian and proud of it!!

                    • July 30, 2012 at 9:52 am

                      hmmm…odd…a “spicy” Brazilian woman can’t find a date in the states, something just isn’t right. You need to fire your current agent and hire another one…lol. I also think you need to share your profile with us. Seriously, its going to expire soon anyway, lets take a look at it 🙂

                    • July 30, 2012 at 11:56 am

                      I think I am too much for most men!!! lol
                      Aren’t you the curious one? And by profile you mean pictures right?
                      I actually tried to copy and paste my profile here but didn’t work. I have to copy and past each question.
                      perhaps I will make it a post: My e-harmony profile!

                    • July 30, 2012 at 1:30 pm

                      no, no, picture not needed, I’m just really curious about the text content 🙂 Something just isn’t right, and I have a feeling it will be something obvious thats stands out…lol.
                      Looking forward to your next post!

                    • July 30, 2012 at 2:04 pm

                      wow, THAT, my friend, is a fast and furious posting.

                    • July 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm

                      well, it was copying and pasting – lol

                    • July 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

                      tsk tsk tsk…..okay, that was fast and furious copying & pasting.

                    • July 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

                      Huh? all I did was remove the “Gorbachev” birthmark from the forehead…lol. I’M JUST KIDDING!!!! JUST KIDDING!!
                      Lets just replace the image with the Wonder Woman removing her star crown…lol

  9. December 12, 2012 at 5:50 am

    LOL! You do know the difference between a stalker and a girl’s next boyfriend, right? How attractive he is!

    Aubrey does get hit on by old men ALL the time (the downside to being beautiful). Where she works, she’s surrounded by businessmen at conferences, away from their wives. She’s learned to deflect politely. However, when the guys from Cirque du Soleil came in, she was flirting her microscopic butt off.

    Your wife probably was right, and since she was with you, it would have been perfectly safe for HER to intervene. Creepy old guys abound.

    • December 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

      haha, your first statement makes a lot of sense. I guess you need to know how to use the tools you are given, but not over-use.lol. Feel sorry for all the hearts she has broken so far.lol.
      My wife was actually right because there was a manhunt for a man that, I guess, harassed her. Do you feel sorry for creepy old guys, too? lol

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