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You are a liar, you must die!

August 16, 2013 47 comments
Courtesy of Bing image

Courtesy of Bing image

I don’t know what kind of woman Eve was, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she had similar zero tolerance policy against lying like my wife. White, grey, black, green, purple…no color bias here, it’s all the same, lie is a lie and I must pay the price of…ummm…near death!

Many years ago my wife and I had a fiery argument over this topic. The zero tolerance policy is too strict and I feel it’s impossible to have a good healthy relationship that’s based on full disclosure of EVERYTHING and 100% pure truth on EVERYTHING. She vehemently hate liars with so much anger and vitriol its shocking to see such lovely peace loving princess transform in to a She-Hulk at the hint of lying.
In her world white lies and non-white lies should be treated the same, and punishable to the maximum penalty while staying inside the legal bound.

I tell her that I’m sticking to my core principles and I’m going to continue lying and forget mundane things on regular basis for as long as I’m alive.

My take on lying is, as long as it’s done tastefully and in good judgment with good intention, it can be an important tool for romance, excitement, laugh, and surprise.  I told her I believe in miracles and white lies. She said b.s. and called me a compulsive liar, and I accused her of being a hateful vile person. So we had our first real fight, it was our epic Marriage War I. She threw everything at me such as, the bible, Oprah articles, psychology articles, Dr.Phil, Judge Judy, etc… while I simply spoke from the heart.lol
In the end, the peace treaty was signed in the form of hugs, kisses, & Belgian chocolates. I just want to take this time out to tell the world why I’m a compulsive liar and why it’s required to hold my marriage together. In fact I don’t even call it white lies, my wife and I now call it “pieux mensonge” per the peace treaty article 7 section 2(b), because French language has a way of turning everything into romance and love. As long as the word ‘lie’ is omitted from our conversation, my wife will stay in her human form.

  1.  Most common form of pieux mensonge is when I leave out certain details of the conversation that my wife is having issues with because, I honestly forgot about it. I have superior ability to forget things that I perceive to be irrelevant. Sadly there are too many things that my wife does consider to be relevant and I just can’t keep up. 7 out of 10 times, I truly don’t recall things. It’s a pieux mensonge because even when I’m telling the truth, it still turns into a lie.
  2. Wife asks these questions: Do I look good in these? Can you see the panty line in these? Do they make my boobs look too big? Does this belt work with this necklace? I almost never tell the truth to any of these questions. Sometimes I just love the way she looks and I certainly don’t want her to change out just because she is afraid of some would-be weirdo. But the main reason why I lie is so we can get going and not show up 1hour late to our destination, one outfit change equates to 1hour delay … pieux mensonge the situation and move out.
  3. Can you tell I’ve been gaining weight? …no need to explain this one
  4. My wife thought it would be okay to let my kids play with my garage tools. I come home one day and to my horror I see my youngest digging a hole with my Snap-on torque wrench!!!!!!!…ugggggggg…I was withholding a lot of information and comment that day. Is there anybody in the world that’s prepared to “handle the truth” after such gross negligence?
  5. Bought her a 1oz silver American eagle coin for Valentine’s Day and talked about its beauty and health benefit. I left out important reason…it had better resale value than flowers and candies. The resale feature didn’t seem appropriate and romantic for the moment…pieux mensonge.
  6. Wife asks if she looks better with long hair or short, I always say short. She thinks it’s odd because everybody else around her thinks she looks great with long hair. I lie about this because she looks gorgeous with her long flowing hair. But her long hair gets EVERYWHERE. It can cover the floors, counter, clean laundry, bathtubs, & sinks. If I tell the truth, she will never cut it short, ever.
  7. Wife and kids thought the Disney vacation was fun and we should do it again. I honestly hated it because of the crowd, heat, humidity, mosquitoes, & infinite distractions for our kids. It was difficult to hold everything inside of me because I knew I can potentially turn this $5k lovely family vacation into trip from hell if I opened up my mouth. I lied, “yeah it was good, glad everybody had a good time.”
  8. “Cleaning people are coming tomorrow, you have to come home early so you can help me clean.” Her cleaning crew means a lot to her so I’m not even going to tell her the truth about what I really think about the double cleaning duty.

As horrible as it might sound, I also lie to my kids, but my wife sure seems to get a kick out of it.lol

  1. “Daddy what is a penis?” This was an incident after a boy in his class got thrown out for repeatedly saying the word, ‘penis’. I explained to him that “pee-in-this” is not appropriate, that’s why the boy got thrown out. I asked my boys, “Where should you pee-in if you have to go?” and my smart boys responded with, “ the bathroom”
  2. If I’m spending over $100 to take the family to Thomas and Friends train park, I want everybody to have a good time. So when my boys said, “Daddy, that’s not real Thomas the train, his eyes are not moving and he is not talking”. I lie to them and say Thomas is simply sleeping with his eyes open. To that they ask, “then how can he move along the track?” to which I reply, “because he is sleeping, the driver has to drive him”

And my biggest pieux mensonge of all, Santa Claus and friends. The reason why I lie about these characters is because I love my cute little innocent kids do cute little innocent things in their innocent world. They will have plenty of opportunity to deal with hard truths and reality in few more years, so why not let them live a happy beautiful fairy-tale imagination that feel so real that you can almost touch it. It’s a whole new level of excitement when they believe some mythical characters could have been real, or is real. Their little eyes light up and their smile get so big you can see their missing tooth gap.lol

  1. “Is Santa Claus real?” “Yes, and he is planning on bringing you something very cool this year, too!” I lie on this topic because the trade-off is worth it. I have such beautiful memories of my kids staring out the window on Christmas Eve and listening in on their private conversation between the two of them. It’s something so adorable and innocent that it needs to be witnessed to fully appreciate. I also have memories where they try to stay up for Santa, and the incredible struggle to keep themselves up all night. You know when their heads sway side to side and eventually topple over.lol I will milk this Santa lie for as long as I can. Lately my oldest has been dealing with some pushback from other older boys in the neighborhood saying, Santa isn’t real. I sat my boy down and I said this to him, “there are people that believe in Santa and there are people that don’t believe in Santa” It’s something you should not argue over with friends but just know this, kids that believe in Santa clause always get one extra special present. Kids that don’t believe in Santa will always get one less. It’s your choice to believe in Santa or not believe in him. Yep, I lie through my teeth on this one.
  2. Older kids say leprechaun isn’t real: Sure they are, where do you think gold coins come from? To that they devise a plan to capture some of leprechaun‘s gold. Supposedly the young one will be the one distracting the leprechaun with his sno-cone machine, while the older one uses his red wagon to haul out the gold coins.lol
  3. Did fire breathing dragons exist? Sure they did, it was a very large pterodactyl that can breathe volatile chemical components from their snout or their mouth, similar to some other creatures that exists today that can project fiery chemical mix.

There is no doubt lying is bad under most circumstances. But there are certain things that are said, or purposely left out because you love someone. I would have no problem telling the 100% pure truth if I didn’t care about the individual. I don’t know about you folks, but I can’t just tell it like it is to people I deeply care about. I can’t imagine being happy with my life if I answered all those above examples with 100% truth. It would turn me into a grumpy, depressing, anti-social, & boring father and a husband. Grumpy old men are probably the best truth telling people around.
My closing for the peace treaty went something like this, which would you rather live with?
1. Grumpy, anti-social, angry man that always tells the truth and nothing but the truth
2. Happy, fun, social man full of loving pieux mensonge.

“Baby, I will pieux mensonge to you forever and ever because I love you”…that is HOT!

Categories: children, family, humor, wife

My blog of 2012: Ode to Thomas and Friends

December 28, 2012 55 comments
First Thomas toy

First Thomas toy

As I’m sitting down to write my thoughts down on my two little toddlers, I can’t help but to get choked up and get caught up with regrets. I miss my two infant boys, terribly. All the times I was upset at them, or all the time I pushed them to be more independent and to leave me alone, I wish I could have just slowed it down and accepted it all. I wish I could have taken more naps with them while gently cradling their soft baby skin, but instead I was on the computer. Regret over all those pictures taken with a camera phone, because I was too lazy to grab a real camera. Countless opportunities to see them in a little song and dance performances, but I was out having lunch with clients and co-workers. I can’t redo any of these things because kids are older. I now realize, we are at a closing of a chapter where my two little toddlers are no longer toddlers, they are boys. This is an irreversible milestone; there is nothing I can do to relive the previous pages of their lives, and it hurts. Thomas & friends represent everything I miss about my two babies.

‘Thomas and friends’ go beyond rank of toys, it takes on a rank as a family or a friend.  I was really disappointed when, for the first time, my boys didn’t want any Thomas&friends item for Christmas…It was sad because they are not babies anymore, and I’m not mentally ready to let it go yet. Out of all the things I’ve done with the boys, T&F(Thomas & Friends) has the most amount of hours logged, with some of the best memories.  Only daddy is able to build the ‘Big Big Bridge’ like nobody else can. Only daddy can build the awesome cool ramps that make trains fly with paper wings taped on its back.  These toys have given me so much and I am not going to let these friends to die off like this, I need to send these little choo-choos off with a very honorable discharge, with a medal of honor if you will.

Pic#1 is the first train we ever purchased; it’s what I secretly carry in my work bag.  My wife and kids think I threw this in the trash along with bunch of other toys, because I was upset over their toys being all-over the living room.  Most of their first set of trains are in terrible condition because they do get smashed quite often.  I wanted to salvage little Thomas to serve as a compressed memory of their babyhood.  Every time I hold this toy in my hand, I get flooded with baby memories.  I’ve shed some tears just thinking back to when they were so tiny and just babbling.  I reminisce about their struggle during tummy time or when they took their very first step.  I think about the moment when my oldest made his journey from my hands to the nearest sofa.  He was happy as a clam, squealing and laughing while pounding the sofa seat, all in the little yellow striped onesie outfit w/ big diaper bottom.  All these wonderful memories captured inside a little beat-up train toy…

still functional

still functional

Pic #2 is a picture of my boys’ 1st starter underwear when they graduated from pull-ups.  My oldest boy had it first, and then it was handed down to the wee-bear who is now 4.5yr old.  My wife and I can’t stop laughing when the wee bear runs around with this battered undie on, with all its tears and holes.  We call him the ‘Incredible Wee Hulk’ because that’s what happens to Bruce Banner’s clothing when he turns into the Hulk.  This undie is finally getting retired this year because it is one cycle away from losing its functionality per outlined in this write-up.
‘Can underwear outlast a marriage?

Sadly this will go in my treasure box that consist of their first beige colored baseball cap with little bear ears, and their first pair of shoes (size of my thumb!) Gosh they were so cute wearing that stuff.  I’m proud of my boys because they are following my footstep of appreciating everything, recycling, and using items until it’s beyond repair, like their paper thin undies.

Here is a list of all my favorite Thomas & Friends characters and what they accomplished for me:

***Warning: List may contain possible adult language***

  1. Thomas ‘the cheeky one’: He is the little engine that could.  There is a lot to like about this guy because he is little, compassionate, follows orders, and loves helping friends out.  If there is a perfect role model outside of mommy and daddy, it’s definitely this little #1 engine.
  2. Gordon ‘rumbles down the line’: Big powerful steam engine with pretty big ego.  He is a great character for my kids to imagine what it would be like to be bigger but also teaches them it’s not nice to walk around with big ego.
  3. Lady: She is the only female train character we have.  As you can tell from the first picture, my boys are extremely rough with their toys.  Lady was brought in to establish some order and calmness with their play style.  I SPECIFICALLY told them to be gentle with Lady, because it is a girl.  Needless to say, it’s the only T&F toy that is in excellent condition with all her colors.
  4. Spencer: He is fast, shiny, looks cool, but is very arrogant.  He is another one that served its purpose by teaching my boys to separate out the good and the bad.  Appreciating someone’s beauty and power is good, but arrogance is bad.  Concept of arrogance is very difficult to teach, but having Spencer around was a great help.  Thanks Spencer.
  5. Percy ‘pulls the mail on time’: my my my…I wanted to save the baddest little engine for last.  This little green character sent me in a full panic mode!  Normally he is meek, gentle, and is Thomas’ best friend.  He truly teaches how one friend should treat another.  Here is a little story on how I got acquainted with little Percy.  I came home from work and I asked my little wee-bear, “What do you want on your birthday?”  To that he replied, “I want pu-cy for my birthday”.  Now with more seriousness I asked again, to which he replied with, “I  want pu-cy for my birthday”.  I panicked because this is the kind of stuff that lands deadbeat dad in jail!  I called for emergency meeting with my wife and told her this had to get resolved ASAP!  I didn’t care for her explanation about the “r difficulty” and a toy character named ‘Percy’; I wasn’t going to jail over this.  We practiced countless hours with the letter “r”.

I look at my boys now and can’t believe how big and independent they have become.  They inflict a lot of damage when they jump into our bed now.  There is nothing scarier in the morning than opening your eyes to a wild toddler, airborne and barely missing the family jewel upon landing.  I’ll yell at them, I’ll scold them, but I know with 100% certainty that I will miss these morning attacks.  When they were babies, all I wanted was for them to grow up quickly so they would be more independent.  Now that they are independent, I want my babies back.  What is going on? I miss them terribly.  I know you can argue that I can still do these things with them, but it’s not the same.

I don’t usually have morbid thoughts, but with all the tragic deaths in the news and worrying about my wife and two kids, it’s hard not to.  If I get into a fatal car accident tomorrow, or some lunatic fires a fatal blow, I plan on using the last remaining breath to hold the Thomas train(picture #1) with my right hand and place my left hand, with the wedding band touching little Thomas, close against my heart.  I can’t think of a better way to make the best of the given situation than that.   I would be at peace…

This music video sums up everything and I think it’s the perfect music to close the chapter on a group of very special friends, Thomas and friends. They will all be missed and will always have a spot in this dad’s heart.  Here is Thomas & Friends with Josh Groban:

Categories: children, family, wife

I am mad as hell, 20 innocent children dead!!!

December 14, 2012 62 comments

 

courtesy of Bing

courtesy of Bing

 

I don’t remember last time I felt this kind of anger and grief toward anything in my life, not even 9/11 or Columbine.  My wife and I cried today over all the innocent little children that will not be celebrating this Christmas with their moms and dads, only 11 days away!!  What sick lunatic slaughters the purest and the most precious representation of humanity? They were as young as 6 years old, dammit!  They smile at everything and everybody, they have tiny little hands that barely wrap your fingers, they haven’t been corrupted by the society yet, they put on biggest happiest smiley face when they are allowed to wear their little Transformers t-shirt, they run around with their oversized princess and pony book bags.  Just thinking about all the unopened presents underneath their Christmas trees, and thinking about what these parents are going through right now is ripping me apart.  How can anybody be this damn evil? With all the information/classes on tolerance, education, & anti-bullying, how can something like this happen? Already people are out blaming the pro gun group; already people are out blaming the anti-gun group.  Politicians are already setting up to politicize this. I can’t stand people right now.

Here is my simple message to all the lawmakers:

Get these psychopaths that lack empathy toward life off the streets right now!!  I don’t give a crap what you do with them, but I don’t want these maggots anywhere near my family and my kids.  They need to be kept far away from anything that can be used to kill innocent people: guns, cars, Home Depot, hardware stores, lathe, mill, etc…
Its 11pm and they are still going though all the little lifeless bodies in the kindergarden… God, I can’t stand this.

Categories: children, family

Hippo Christmas song and Brenda Lee

December 10, 2012 36 comments

Going to start off by saying, Gangnam style song has NOTHING on these two songs I’m going to talk about!

My last music related blog was about Guns N Roses, so I thought it’s time to do another music blog.  There are couple of songs that’s been humming in my brain for some time now, its the holidays, and you can say these are couple of my favorite things 🙂

I’ve been listening to lots of Christmas tunes lately and there is one song that’s an absolute smash hit with my two little boys. Song is called ‘I want a hippopotamus for Christmas’. It makes me laugh just reading the title. Every time this song plays on the radio, we all sing along to it and we also add our own little twist to it.

My version: replace all the “I” with “My naughty boys” and replace all “hippopotamus” with “lump of coal”

My boys’ version: replace all hippopotamus with any Thomas&friends stuff, T-rex, Rhinoceros, Ninjago, etc…

Just how powerful is this holiday song? My boys could, once again, easily destroy another one of my electronic gadgets in an accident, but if the song comes on, I can’t help but to smile and sing the coal version of the song!

Some people think the hippo song was sung by Shirley Temple, or that it was sung by a much older person pretending to be a kid.  The truth is, the song was recorded on the set of Ed Sullivan show in 1953 by an amazing 10yr old talent named Gayla Peevey. Check out the video and tell me you are not impressed by her spunk, & talent. Love the song and love the video.

Now that brings us to “Sweet Nothings” by Brenda Lee. I know I’m probably sounding like a senior citizen raving about all these golden oldies, but when quality is involved, there is no age gap! Brenda Lee is one of my all time favorite artists and this is my favorite song from her. It’s hard to go back to listening to the modern stuff after listening to this type of music. I love her voice and her stage presentation. Wish I could have seen this performance live…so simple…so mellow.

How about you folks? Care to share some of your favorite things? 🙂

Categories: children, family, humor, music

I’m a bad man

November 30, 2012 91 comments
lindt chocalate

Lindt chocalate courtesy of Bing images

So I’ve been away from blogging world for almost 3months now.  No need to discuss what I was up to, but this blog needs to happen ASAP, because it’s eating me up.

My wife is a tri athlete and we are both middle aged.  Problem is it takes enormous amount of work to keep the body she has and actually lot more work because she is a middle aged woman.  I try to be as understanding as possible but it is freakin hard when I rarely see her sometimes and I have to take care of the kids and take care of the house, on top of everything else I gotta take care of while she is doing her thing.  On this particular day I was really annoyed because it was months from her first triathlon event and she was training every freakin day!  I was so pissed because I was so f’in tired as hell and first thing she does is leave when I come home.  I don’t see her till the next morning because she practically lives in the gym/pool.

When a man gets tired and upset beyond his max limit, he is destined to do something really dumb.  I mistakenly made series of mistake that caused great remorse…all over one little bad decision I made.  This day started with same ol same ol.  I come home, she says goodbye, I feed the kids, bath them, and I put them down to sleep.  I think this evening was quieter than other evenings and maybe I had little more difficult time at the office than other days.  I didn’t eat dinner so I was hungry, but didn’t have appetite for anything.  As I’m moping around on the couch thinking how shitty my life was, I ended up reaching for the phone.  I called our babysitter to come over ASAP.  I went upstairs to shower groom and put on something nice for the evening.  At this point I was committed to going through with what I planned.

The babysitter arrived at the door, I let her in and I told her that kids are asleep so it shouldn’t be too bad.  I told her I had somewhere to go and that I should be back in about 2hours.  I got in the car and I drove straight to Ruth Chris steakhouse and dined by myself.

I later got home and I really prayed(knelt down), for improvement and wishing my wife wasn’t so into fitness and health.  This was a prayer I would later regret because it was done 3days before the 1st triathlon event of the year.

The very next day was our coed volleyball game.  We ran a routine play where I’m setting from the back row and my wife was switching from middle to outside hitter position.  Nobody can explain what happened during that moment.  My wife just stood in the middle while everybody else was shifting around for the offensive setup.  Nobody touched her but somehow she just spun around and BADLY tore her right ankle.  I knew this was serious because she couldn’t get up and she was in tears.  She went to see the doctor and was devastated to learn that she wouldn’t be able to walk for a very long time; she will miss her 1st triathlon of the year.  The doctor and I also knew she was probably finished for rest of the year.  If you’ve ever had your impossible prayer answered, you know what I was feeling, I was in shock.  I felt so much guilt at this point as you can imagine, I couldn’t believe what just happened.

My wife does not know what I prayed about the night before her accident.  I would see my wife in crutches and ankle support and I just felt terrible.  I thought one way I can mitigate the situation was to make her feel comfortable and happy as possible.  Some of her favorite comfort snacks are Lindt chocolates and potato chips.  I went out and purchased enough chips and Lindt chocolates to last a whole year….so I thought.  My wife was putting away a whole package of Lindt chocolates every other day!  In two months she put on about 15pounds and I can visually see that she has gotten softer and larger.  I then realized if I keep this up my wife may completely give up on fitness.  I was having all sorts of selfish and evil thoughts.  What if she puts on additional 50 pounds and she completely gives up on fitness, wouldn’t my life be sooooo much better?  I loved having my wife home and having a full house.  House looked clean, smelled clean, and it felt like a real family.

To be continued in part 2

Categories: family, wife

40 year old virgin (part 2)

July 27, 2012 46 comments
courtesy of Bing images

courtesy of Bing images

Not going into details about Big Ben on this one because it’s been done in part 1 of the story here,

https://chris9911.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/40yearoldvirgin/

I got into a pretty good conversation with a fellow cool blogger and we ended up talking about Big Ben.  Yes, he still is a virgin; just want to get that out of the way first.  My other buddies and I have done a lot since my last post, to get him more prepared for the real world and real expectations from normal women.  For example, our biggest task is to convince Ben to lose his virginity.  It is becoming clearer that it’s a liability/red flag and not an asset.  Some may say it’s downright creepy rather than something admirable, for a man of his age.  At least we convinced him not to say anything about his virginity when he is out on a date, so we are making some progress.

That’s a quick update on his life, now let’s get to his most recent incident where friends tried to help, but it ended up causing nothing but grief and stress for everybody  😦

It was a lovely day, and best of all, it was lunch time!  I needed to go to the DMV (department of motor vehicles), so we decided to eat at a noodle bowl restaurant that was directly across the DMV.  It’s a shitty DMV and it’s always annoying to find a good clean seat to sit on.  It seems to be a cesspool of coughing/sneezing people, bad B.O., greasy hair, etc…  I finally find a good seat to sit on and I’m minding my own business waiting for my number to come up.  I didn’t have to wait long before somebody decides to sit RIGHT FREAKIN next to me!!  Big Ben actually does this to lone woman, he and I had a pretty lively argument about it.  Anyway, back to DMV.  I guess I lucked out because this person that sat next to me was clean, healthy, well groomed, and passed the smell test.  So back to minding my own business when all of a sudden, she starts talking to me.  First line out of her mouth, “<sigh>…..I feel so lonely…”   At this point I’m trying to pretend I didn’t hear her, and praying she doesn’t start sobbing.  She then follows up with, “do you know of any good man, sir?”  Adding a “sir” in the end was a good thing, because I do like friendly respectful people.  We start talking about her current situation and her ex-boyfriend that treated her like crap(surprise, surprise..).  Just when I thought I was done talking to her, she still follows up with, do you know of any good man?  Right then, I knew instantly what this was all about!  Of course, it was meant to be!  I told her to hold that thought while I pulled out my cell phone to start texting a very special friend of mine, Big Ben!  Texting went something like this:

Me:     still single?

Ben:  yeah 😦

Me: want a date?

Ben: yeah, what is she like?

Me: well, she is not a doctor, nurse, or a lawyer.  I think she is an English teacher.

Ben: is she good looking?

Me: she isn’t ugly

Ben: K, when does she want to go out?

Me:   Now!   Go do something about your uni-brow, we’ll be there in 15min

Ben: okay

So it was turning out to be a special day.  From everything I can tell, she seemed like a good fit for Ben.  They instantly hit it off.  They were laughing, they were loud, and it was good to see Ben acting so lively.  Ben was in total control of the conversation and he was really worked up…lol.  The momentum was strong and he actually asked her out on a date, BUT….

He freakin drags us into it!  What the hell was he thinking? He goes on and on about kayaking, tells her there is an extra kayak for her to use, and tells her we’ll ALL be there and how awesome it will be.  What the hell is he talking about???!!!  I barely have time to do anything on a weekend and I’m certainly not spending my free time with Ben, especially when my wife is complaining I don’t do enough with the family, and Ben knows this.  Unfortunately for Ben, rest of us is married with kids!! Did he forget this important fact?

Sadly, Ben did not stop with the kayak date invitation 😦 He gets this bright idea to exchange everybody’s phone number…WHAT THE HELL???!!!   It was such an awkward situation where Ben is volunteering all this sensitive information.  Everybody, except for Ben, knew this was weird but we all ended up putting our phone number down on a piece of napkin anyway 😦

I found out two things from this situation.  1.  Turns out I’m actually smarter than these average bears, that I call friends, because I wrote down Ben’s home number…lol.  2.  Ben can be a freakin idiot sometimes.

For next couple of days, everybody was nervous she would call.  Larry took it very hard, he was so nervous that he didn’t sleep for these several days.  He was so scared the teacher would call and his wife would find out it was a woman.  This is probably every husband’s nightmare, a stupid misunderstanding that leads to accusation 😦  I know Larry is a good man, but he can be pretty dramatic in some situations.  By the 3rd day of no sleep, Larry actually did something that was drastic…lol.  He called up the teacher and told her to delete and forget his phone number.  As funny as that may sound, Larry slept like a baby that night…lol

Soooo, let’s see, who else was nervous about the prospect of getting a phone call from this teacher. Answer, Mr. Big mouth himself, Mr. Big Ben.  He was beyond nervous and was in total panic!  He was panicking because he committed to something that he wasn’t comfortable doing.  No, he is not afraid of Kayaking, he was afraid of being involved with the teacher!

We got together to discuss Ben’s problem and it was more perplexing than calculating a 6×6 mathematical matrix with pen and paper.  This was Ben’s explanation why he didn’t want to be with her:

  1. She had a small tattoo (fyi: it was NOT a “ tramp stamp” in the lower back)
  2. Her cleavage was showing
  3. Didn’t like the idea of dating a stray from DMV
  4. And last but not least, he said his mother wouldn’t approve.

I’m starting to lose hope for Ben because I don’t think it’s possible to work around his boundary conditions.  Grown man needing mother’s approval to date?…<sigh>

Ben also did something drastic once sleep deprivation became unbearable.  He, too, called the teacher and said this, and I’m quoting this EXACTLY, “I cannot have you in my circle of friends”

I guarantee this teacher will probably never want to date an engineer or a scientist for as long as she is alive.

I don’t go to that specific DMV anymore, because I have a phobia to an angry or emotional woman; I hope I never run into that teacher.  I also do pray she is doing well, and I feel terrible for the grief I may have caused.  So I do have a lesson learned from this.  BIG BEN IS ON HIS OWN.

Categories: family, humor

Sausagefest over this person/machine (TDF celebration part2)

July 14, 2012 57 comments
Figure 1

Figure 1 (courtesy of Jenny Fletcher pro-triathlete)

For those that just fell off the turnip truck, world’s greatest sporting event is in full swing and it’s nearly over 😦  Yes, I am talking about the Tour de France!  What better way to celebrate than with a blog related to cycling?

There is an English slang word, “sausagefest”.  What is the definition of sausagefest, you ask? I’m not talking about the kind you experience at local state fair but it’s of something more…umm…anomalistic.  Since Mr. Webster has decided it’s not worthy of his dictionary, I will have to define it for the public.  Definition of sausage fest:

sau-sage-fest” n: An odd phenomenon that describes plurality of modern male Homo sapiens to particular location in mass.  This strange gathering is usually triggered by some sort or stimulant that seems to disrupt the homeostasis by erratic discharge of testosterone of the affected subject.  Possible known stimulants are: 1. anything that involves torque/horsepower, 2. Anything that explodes, 3. anything with wheels 3. Female subject or equivalent.  Such fantastic congregation ends up overwhelming female participant(s) within the group.  The event usually ends with no resolution and no satisfaction by all parties involved.

My wife and I are part of a weekly bicycle ride group in our area.  It’s a fairly large group consisting of 40-50 riders, predominantly male riders.  On this one particular day, we had a new member that rolled up in a STUNNINGLY gorgeous $8k (MSRP) fully decked out Orbea Ordu Time Trial bike.  The cyclist just so happened to be a really pretty young lady probably in her 20s or early 30s.  Please refer to Figure 1 for reference on the rider and the time trial bike.  She was also seriously decked out with a matching aerodynamic body suit and all the bells and whistles.  It was unfortunate she showed up for the ride by herself and no wedding ring on.  I say unfortunate because the event that happened next is something I don’t even wish on my worst enemy 😦

Can you say, “Release the Kraken” or “open the floodgate”?  It was a sausagefest of the millennium!  I’ve never seen such blatantly obvious ploy/tactic/excuse to meet the new member like that.  I counted about 9-10 isolated cyclists around the parking lot and one giant hive of cyclists around this one particular area.  You could not see the new rider, it was that dense!

My wife made a comment about how stupid they all look…lol.  Apparently she has never witnessed a sausagefest of this kind of epic proportion.  I simply told her that our overly friendly bike group is just trying to be helpful to the new rider and probably just making her feel welcome.  Most of them were trying to talk over each other and you can hear some of the ridiculous comments coming from the hive.  Comments ranged anything from the weather, road course, bicycle tune-up, proper setup of the bike, etc…  I think every single one of them offered free tune-up of her bicycle…lol.  It was obvious they were not thinking with the correct brain, because:

  1. It was picture perfect weather.  70degree F, no wind, and not a cloud in sight.
  2. Road course? It was obvious she came equipped with a bike gps with all the turn by turn programmed in.
  3. Bike tune-up? A person with an $8k bike will have her own mechanic that she trusts.  You do not trust any bloke mechanic that you just met at a parking lot.
  4. Bike setup? A bike shop that sells you the $8k bike will not let you out until it is professionally setup, usually takes hours under close video analysis.

The new girl handled it with great personality.  If anybody was touching/groping my bike like that, you better believe there will be some fists flying!

Anyway, while all that was going on I also realized there was another “forgotten” new rider in the parking lot.  Rider was a she, and ironically she also came alone and without a wedding ring.  I actually noticed her front wheel wasn’t on properly.  So I went over there to introduce myself & reassured her that I used to be a bicycle mechanic, before working on her bike.  The lady was a postal worker in her mid 40s and her bike was pretty old, it had been in storage for 15+ years!  I lifted the front end of her bike and smacked the top of her front wheel, the wheel popped off with ease.  She was very thankful that I caught the problem and offered to pay for my service.  She made one funny comment that made me laugh.  She said, “Well I’m glad she (referring to new girl#1) didn’t need all the bike mechanics from this group today…lol”

I looked at my wife and I thanked her for marrying me, thus saving me from such embarrassment.  I like to think I am better than all those guys participating in the sausagefest, but who knows?  I could have been the loudest one making the biggest fool of myself…lol  I was just so glad I wasn’t part of that and I have my wife to thank 🙂

In case you are wondering about the new girl, we never saw her again after that ride…lol

Categories: bicycle, family, humor, wife

Intense heat wave = please check your tire psi

July 3, 2012 18 comments

This is a big travel week and I need raise this concern for people driving along regions affected by this crazy heat wave.  This is something that I noticed yesterday on my own truck and it is important enough for all of you that drive, to understand.  What you feel may only be 110-114degrees, but that’s nothing compared to what your tires feel going over that hot pavement.  I’m not going to go through the equations and theories on why gas expands when heated, they just do.  PLEASE PLEASE, check your tire pressure under two conditions:

  1.  Check it when its cool
  2. Check it after you’ve been driving for some time.

My tires are 44max psi.  I noticed they were at 55psi during this intense heat wave!! That is 20+psi ABOVE the recommended pressure when its cool!  Be sure to make sure your tire pressure stays safely below your maximum psi rating.  Happy 4th everybody, and safe driving.  Don’t be that guy/gal with a blown tire during this bizarre climate.

Categories: auto, camping, children, family, wife

Fun at Stonewall resort in WV (review)

June 28, 2012 8 comments

I took a week off with my 2 boys and we went back to a place where it’s a guaranteed perfect vacation spot.  Here is my short summary of the resort:

I decided to write about my experience at this resort because we live in a world where people are quick to complain but not enough complements are given out.  I’ve already stayed here 4 times (in the past 14months) and it’s one of the best resorts I’ve ever stayed at.  It’s easy to find a resort that is pure family friendly, they are dime a dozen.  Its lot more difficult to find a resort that goes another big step further, and accommodates a vacationer who HAS to work during the vacation.  Haters can hate me and criticize me for working during family vacation, but I’m the one that has to put the food on the table, and that dang electric bill better be paid so the light turns on when my wife flips the switch at night.

There are 6 areas within the resort that are critical to my family’s enjoyment, they are:

  1.  Indoor pool
  2. Outdoor pool
  3. Hot jetted pools
  4. Restarurant #1
  5. Restaurant #2
  6. Kid’s activity area

All these locations are clustered together and it’s easy to migrate from one area to the next, if need be.  I have perfect line of sight, and all within audible range, to what my kids are doing from any of the mentioned locations.  There are comfy chairs and tables to accommodate my work package.  I also have direct line of sight to all my work stuff as I’m interacting with my kids, too.  All this adds to peace of mind and I don’t miss a beat.  Everything just flows from work to fun seamlessly.

I found this 1900acre BEAST of a resort hidden away in West Virginia that has earned the Four Diamond Award from AAA.  It’s so huge that it’s got its own separate waterfront campground, waterfront cabins, full marina, fishing bridge, 18hole Arnold Palmer Signature Golf Course, and 3 restaurants.  You might be saying, did he just say West Virginia?? Isn’t that where all the hicks hang out?

This resort couldn’t be further from the West Virginia stereotype.  All the staff and visitors are so friendly and I assure you they all speak the proper English.  It feels like visiting ummm…that Munchkin land from Wizard of Oz, with normal sized people though.  Everybody is smiling there.  Not just any ordinary smile but a radiant one from all the staff members.  There are visitors of many shapes and sizes.  Best way to describe the resort experience is, it feels alive! You can feel life there!  There are cute little kids bouncing around, there are great grandparents holding hands by the campfire, there are newly married honeymooners embracing by the dock, & everything in between.

Just because there are cute little kids there doesn’t mean people without kids are going to be shortchanged.  All the parents I’ve seen are very responsible and staff member are very strict about keeping things in order and enforcing the resort rules.  For example, when my kids jumped into the adult heated whirlpool, one of the staffers was on to them like a hornet on a stick wielding kid.  Let me repeat,

The staff members will STRICTLY enforce the, no kids in the hot pool rule!

I love kids, but just not in my whirlpool.  I wish I knew the name of the staffer that booted my kids from the whirlpool; I would have tipped her generously and would have given her boss a high review.

I’m kind of an uptight vacationer and I do embarrass my wife with all my complaints.  But as I said, I’ve vacationed here 4 times and I haven’t had a single incident.  When a resort does something so magical where it makes even the grumpiest vacationer happy, I will reward them.  I am extremely generous tipper, and I will tip like I’m gambling in Vegas when I’m jolly.

Lastly, I want to comment on their drinking water, because it is so clear and so crisp.  I have a nose for fishy water, probably from all the years of my aquarium hobby, but I’ve been to various high end restaurants where water smells funny.  I love the drinking water from all of Stonewall’s restaurants.  I think the water is so good to a point where it could be a bad for their business.  Why? Because I will not order my usual glass of Coke with my meal, when I’m at Stonewall.  Their drinking water is that good.

That’s my quick summary in a nutshell.  If you ever see a man with a portable Dell laptop and 2 rowdy little boys, stop by and say hi to me.   Now I’m going into the details that matters to me the most.

Pool

If you are vacationing with little kids, pool is a #1 priority.  Stonewall have a large heated indoor-outdoor pool.  Two pools are connected so the indoor side is warm and the outdoor side is cooler.  Also, there are two adult only whirlpools that are jetted and bubbly hot, it will instantly melt all your stress away.  Sometimes I’ll get in a repeating rhythm of working on my laptop for few hours followed by relaxing in a whirlpool for 10-15 minutes.  There is also a fitness area with changing room, complete with sauna and a steam room.

Foods

No such thing as a good resort without good food.  Exquisite food can only start with the freshest locally raised ingredients.  Their meats and veggies taste noticeably different than what I’m used to back home.  Burgers are amazing and they use traditional recipes on their other fine gourmet dishes.  Oh and kids under 8 eat for free!

Categories: bicycle, camping, children, family, wife

no, No, NO!!! We can’t afford a family trip this year.

June 20, 2012 54 comments

I am just so tired of having this conversation with my wife; I’m really losing sleep and productivity over it.  Our 10year anniversary is coming up in couple of months and she cannot focus on anything else other surfing all the travel websites.  We have a conference room setup in our house and we should be working-working, not surfing the web for vacation stuff.  Kids are sleeping, and she knows all the to-do items that need to be addressed before we even discuss anything related to fun.

It all comes down to the fact I didn’t give her the wedding honeymoon that she wanted.  I planned the honeymoon and I picked a quaint little town called Door County in Northeast Wisconsin.  It was ideal because it was close to home and I started a new task at work that needed my attention, ASAP.  It was a beautiful honeymoon and we have such beautiful memories from it.  The whole honeymoon became a problem on our 1 year anniversary.  She said, “You still owe me a honeymoon”.  To that I said, “Its honeymoon everyday in our householdJ” But she wasn’t feeling it L  So that forced me to take my 1st ever international trip out to Cancun for 7days.  The 2nd anniversary was more of the same with the added, “That last resort was pretty bad”.   So the 3rd anniversary we stayed in presidential suite that was big and lavish enough to house family of 10.  Things were quiet until the 5th anniversary.  Apparently I still owned her a honeymoon.  She said all the other ones didn’t count because it wasn’t on an island.  We ended up staying in a gorgeous hotel on the island of Cozumel for 14 days.

We now have 2 kids since the “last” honeymoon.  I’m working on family budget, business budgets, project timelines, design reviews, business proposals, & renderings, and what do I get from across the table?…”Honey, when are you going to give me the honeymoon you promised”.  I was so close to just blowing up at her.  All I did was look at her and not say anything.  She kept going on and on about how we needed a big family trip and how badly she wants to go to Hawaii or Europe for the honeymoon, which I still owed her.  I took a deep breath and told her we can’t afford it this year.  This is absolutely true because we have a double mortgage and our monthly spending has ballooned to 10 times what it normally should be.  Yes, you heard that right, 10times!!  The construction of the new house is draining all the money and I need to work more hours and days to make it all happen.  Since acquiring the new property, I’m working 7 days/week and I’ve been going to bed between 12am-2am, everyday.  I’m not whining or complaining here, I just want somebody to throw me a bone! But all I get is, you are too cheap, you are not participating in family activities, you still owe me a honeymoon, etc…

I feel like everything is so fragile right now, and my absence will cause a catastrophic collapse of all the intricate progress that I’ve been making for all the businesses and the new home.  All I need to do is continue the same routine, eat same type of food, & same exercise for next 9 months, and everything will be fine.

Baby, I love you but WE CAN’T AFFORD A FAMILY VACATION TO HAWAII THIS YEAR!! Is there a different way to say this? because this conversation is ready to blow up if it doesn’t get resolved real soon.  I’m definitely pushing my human limit everyday and stuff like this can really send any man over the edge…<sigh>

No such thing as wasted time (father & son)

May 18, 2012 31 comments

This is a very compelling 4minute video if you are a busy father and sometimes feel guilty about not doing enough for the family.  I admit this short clip made me little teary eyed.  Luckily I watched it while no one was around.  I think about all the times I blow my oldest son off, while I’m working on various projects around the house, because either I feel cranky or I feel he is going to slow me down and waste everybody’s time.  This video was brought to my attention by a wonderful blogger named Stormlover.  I can’t thank her enough for this short clip that basically re-energized my mental capacity for dealing with my kids. 

To a child- love is spelled T-I-M-E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfZhReSOP9w&feature=youtu.be

Categories: children, family, wife

horrid memory into funny memory in less than 1year (part 1)

May 16, 2012 49 comments

This conversation came up during our lunch time w/ Larry, Moe, Curly, & Shemp.  We are scientist, scientist, engineer, & engineer, respectively.  I point this out because it’s amazing what kind of stupid discussion we can have, given the education level.  It goes to show you that education does not make you smarter…lol.  We are all married with two kids, except Shemp.

We decided to do some manly offroading with our trucks.  I have a Jeep Cherokee, Larry has a Toyota FJ, and Moe has a Honda Ridgeline.  Place we went is called Rausch Creek Off road park in PA.  This is the real deal, nothing but sea of lifted rock crawlers and jeeps.  Everybody had fun except for the Ridgeline guy.  We had to winch him out of the park.  He damaged his transmission for sure.  Thick smell of roasted transmission oil was a sure sign it needed overhauling. 

Once we got out, we were all pleased with our capable 4x4s, minus Moe.  We operate in a buddy system.  Larry and I barraged Moe with reasons and justifications why he NEEDS to get a different vehicle, a real truck, a man’s truck!  This kind of pressuring by close friends worked! He found enough strength and bravery to face his wife.  Before I continue further, I need to fill you in on his wife.  She is a mean, large, and in charge.  Whatever she says goes, there are no if/and/buts.  If she wants a rabbit, you pick one up by next day.  If she wants a bird, you pick up the complete kit.  If she wants a dog, you pay whatever it costs to get the one that she wants.  If she wants a cat, you say yes ma’am and shut up.  Moe doesn’t have anything left for a backbone, it’s just cartilage. 

Being good friends we are, we told him to stand up to his wife and demand that he be allowed to have some adventure time with us.  Moe is only allowed to come out if his wife okays it.  It gets really freakin annoying to plan anything around his schedule because of “it”.  So we really pumped him up to stand up to his wife, we coached him, and we did some dry-runs of all the different scenarios of the argument. 

We practiced for about a week and it was finally time.  Larry and I were on standby all evening, just in case if something goes wrong.  Moe would be welcome to stay at my house or Larry’s house for however long. 

We finally received an email at 11pm!!! He had the green light to purchase a beater Jeep!  I did reply-all, “Oh, HELL YEAH!”  Larry replied something that wasn’t politically correct, but we were all so happy for Moe.  His “backbone” was finally strengthening!

Our next day consisted of heavy strategizing of the purchase.  We said the purchase has to happen ASAP, before she changes her mind.  Three of us hit Craigslist and EBay really hard.  Found a beater Jeep for $3000usd and we all went to check it out.  It was a great truck, Larry and I gave it four thumbs up.  Moe paid for and you can tell he was beaming.  Not only was this a capable 4×4, it was a trophy, trophy of conquering his fear and adversity.  That made all of us proud of him.  He is such a great guy and he should be able to reward himself once in a while like this.  I volunteered my time to get it fixed up to pass state inspection.  After about 2weeks of repair, the truck was finally ready.  We held a team meeting and we all agreed to hit the 4×4 park for upcoming Saturday, we were set….so we thought…

Moe’s Jeep was definitely worth $3k, but it wasn’t perfect, it was actually next solar system over from being perfect.  Moe decided to celebrate this joyous occasion by driving it around with his two young girls, ages 5 and 7.  They are such adorable little kids, and their daddy loves them to death!  It was a beautiful day, Jeep is driving great, and his girls are having a blast in the back seat. 

Things suddenly turned for the worst when Moe decided to drive his beater Jeep through a mechanical car wash.  I don’t know if you’ve ever been through one, but it’s the kind with 3 giant mechanical rollers; two on either sides and one huge one on the top….Moe’s Jeep is a RAGTOP (made of cloth), a very very very old ragtop 😦

Water started pouring in as some of the smaller holes turned into bigger holes, and the spinning of the rotating machine banging against a cloth cover made it sound like you are in a tornado.  Two girls are screaming in the back, & Moe is screaming in the front.  Moe tries to start the car but it sputters to a stop, he can’t get it started.  In his last ditch effort to save his daughters, he threw himself to the back seat and covered up his two girls.  He feared the roof was going to collapse and kill his girls.

Good news is they all survived, but the ragtop was no longer a top, it was just a rag.    His last email to us was, “I am so fucked”.  Larry and I were frantic; we tried calling him, texting, & email, but no response.    Larry and I were feeling so guilty.  If it weren’t for us, Moe and his girls would have been fine.  One can only guess what kind of wrath he was dealing with.  His girls poured their heart out to their mommy and pretty much ratted him out.  No one knows what happened next inside Moe’s house…  I just know whatever backbone Moe had it just turned into string cheese.  Larry and I were very scared for him.

We finally got email back from Moe saying he can’t join us for the next 4×4 adventure, and that he is selling his Jeep.  He didn’t join us for lunch during that whole month, and he ended up giving the Jeep away for $1500. 

It’s been almost a year since the fallout, and it looks like everything is back to normal.  Moe has paid his “prison sentence” and is able to breathe fresh air again.  We talk about this incident once in a while, and we just start cracking up and it always ends with, “What the hell were you thinking, man?”…ROFL!

Categories: auto, children, family, humor, offroad, wife

kids’ Mother’s day brawl

May 14, 2012 16 comments

This mother’s day started out with my wife poking me in the morning, asking me to get up and make her some breakfast.  I am half asleep and I THINK I inadvertently told her “you are not my mother; I can make you some cereal when I get up”.  As I was trying to fall back asleep, I felt an eerie omen come over; it was complete silence from other side of the bed.  Every married man knows, when a silence like this makes its presence in the bedroom, something bad is about to go down.  I quickly responded with, “how about I assist the boys in making your breakfast?”

From my bed, I called out for my oldest boy (5yrs old).  I told him to make mommy some lovely breakfast for mother’s day.  My oldest, who I refer to as “the champ”, is an amazing kid.  He loves is mother to death and he will never say “no” to daddy.  As I’m lying on my bed, I can hear all the rustlings and activities going on in the kitchen.  I am smiling because its just too darn cute. 

My champ comes upstairs and tells mommy there is a surprise for her 🙂 She kisses him and we all walk down the stairs.  Long and behold, what do we see?  Our “wee-bear” is caught eating some of the food the Champ has laid out for mommy. 

All hell breaks loose!

My oldest lunges in with a double fisted superman punch and knocks the little one down.  This is when my mother’s day participation comes in.  I pull the oldest one off and I tell the little one to apologize. 

 I proudly prevented bloodbath between these two rivals 🙂

Picture below is the breakfast our Champ made for mommy.

Categories: children, family, humor, wife

bad tragedy affecting my house purchase

April 25, 2012 39 comments

Yesterday was supposed to be a pretty exciting day for me.  I purchased a short sale house, bought it for $250k less than what it was appraised, and we finally closed on it yesterday, yay!

My wife and I were there as buyers and there was only one person as a seller.  This was odd because there were two names on the property deed.  Not only that, the seller was a mess.  She looked like she hasn’t slept for days and was on a verge of having a mental breakdown, right in that office.  Everybody understood the mood and nobody said anything, other than the closing agent instructing us what to do. 

As everybody is signing documents, I couldn’t help notice tears rolling down the seller’s face as she was trying ever so hard to swallow back whatever emotion was trying to surface.  She was quivering so much, I felt sick for being the one to “take” her property 😦

Her story goes few months back.  Just before Christmas, there was a horrific car accident that involved a small motor vehicle and a garbage dump truck.  The dump truck driver ran a red light and basically leveled the other car, instantly killing the driver.  That driver was the seller’s husband. 

She is left with three children, with the youngest boy being about the same age as my kids.  The husband had a successful business and made lots of money.  Unfortunately, for as successful as he was, he didn’t have any life insurance, and the wife had no clue about his business.  Long story short, she lost EVERYTHING in matter of months! 

I actually couldn’t sleep last night because I felt like shit.  This is a perfect example of morality vs. business.  The agent did reassure me this has nothing to do with me.  The seller made a deal with the bank and she will get paid some money, because the property sold.  Agent told me the sale price has nothing to do with how much the seller gets paid.  The agent also told me that the seller was very happy to see her property go to such a wonderful family. 

So today, I am trying to come up with anything to make my conscience feel better.  If there is a bible expert out there please correct me on this, but I’m pretty sure there is something about helping out a needy widow.   

I am in the middle of writing a personal letter to the seller.  In it, I will be offering to let her and her kids live in the property until she is able to stand on her own again.  I am also offering her one of my cars until she is able to afford one of her own.  I thought about giving her money, but she has so many creditors after her right now, it’s just going to get confiscated.

———————————————————–

update 5/7/2012

Her agent is telling me, the seller just wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to anybody.  She has moved in with her family, and her kids have transferred to a different school.  She knows my offer will always be there for her.  I’ll just remain on standby until I hear something back.

Categories: children, family, wife

3 bears and Goldilocks story (Tour de France style)

April 13, 2012 13 comments

This picture reminds me of “3bears and Goldilocks” story…lol.  There is “Momma bear’s bike” that is sleek, fancy, with all the bells and whistles.  There is “Papa bear’s bike” that is purely functional.  There is “junior bear’s bike” where he can bounce to the moon and back.  And, last but not least, there is “wee bear’s bike” that rocks him all the way to the finish line…lol. 

I didn’t purposely configure our fitness room this way, it just ended up looking like this.  This is our post dinner exercise where we all go in the basement, get on our assigned equipment, and watch Tour de France stages on the big screen.  I suppose it is a pretty funny sight when all four of us are working out at the same time.

Categories: bicycle, children, family, humor, wife

I am flabbergasted by this Guns n’ roses comparison

April 13, 2012 36 comments

 

I’m sitting down with my lunch buddies and we somehow end up talking about a musician named Justin Bieber.  I don’t know anything about this person but my friend’s daughter is really in to him.  Anyway, we start talking numbers.  His music video supposedly has over 720million hits on YouTube.  At this point that number doesn’t mean anything, how does other famous musicians compare? I get back to my desk and I start pulling up info on what I consider to be the greatest musicians of my personal lifetime, Gun n’ Roses.  I can go on about how I wanted to be just like Slash, but truth be known, I’m of the wrong shade and my hair just cannot look like his.  If there ever was a moment where I wanted to smoke, it would have been with torn jeans, top hat, and a 6string.

Back to numbers on Guns N’ Roses:  Paradise city @ 27.5million, November rain 88m, Sweet child o’ mine 43m, Welcome to the jungle 20m, Patience 19m.  It’s nowhere near the 720million number, what the heck going on here?!  Maybe this Bieber guy is the next Beatles.  So on with pulling more numbers.

View numbers on the Beatles: Let it be @ 9million, Hey Jude @ 5m, Imagine @ 6m, Yesterday @ 10m, I want to hold your hand @ 20m, Help @ 20m.

How can this be? Mr.Bieber’s number is much greater than all these top songs combined???!!!  Beatles and Guns n’ Roses have been around lot longer than Justin Bieber, so you would think they would have bigger numbers. 

Now, I am not ignorant and I certainly wasn’t going to disrespect Mr.Bieber just because he is of different era/generation.  Maybe the guy is the next big thing? Maybe he is an amazing musician? Maybe I will like it.  After all, how can 720million viewers be wrong, right?

I found the video of Mr.Bieber; I listened and watched it for about 37seconds(includes Youtube’s 15s ad).  I’m just going to write, in verbatim, exactly what I said to myself,

“…omg, Lord help us all…sigh”

All I did was graduate from college, get married, and have two kids.  I wake up one day and I realize Guns n Roses is classic rock and Justin Bieber is the new Beatles.  I’m having a rough day, folks.

My taxes are going bad, just realized the world and people have changed a lot, and Gun n’ roses will not be reuniting for the Rock n’ roll hall of fame this weekend; Axle Rose still can’t get along with Slash. 

Maybe I should try out that cigarette while wearing a top hat.

Categories: family, humor, music

can underwear outlast a marriage?

April 2, 2012 48 comments

What kind of society are we living in, where underwear can outlast a marriage?

I was reminded of this when I went in for my yearly checkup, and my doctor made a remark about my underwear.  She was little surprised by the “looks” of it.  It’s not dirty or unsanitary; it’s just really old with lots of holes.  I still wear it because it is still 100% functional.  As long as there are no holes near a critical zone, and as long as its elasticity can create enough friction to prevent slippage under standard 1g vertical acceleration, it’s still useable.  Oh, and most importantly, it has to be clean. 

I find it truly amazing this simple piece of clothing can last so long.  I am nearing my 10year wedding anniversary, and I still have bunch of pairs that predate my relationship with my wife! 

I got few thoughts in closing of this blog:

  1. How does Hanes and Fruit of the Loom stay in business? 
  2. Is the issue that underwear is too well made, or is it marriages seems to fail too quickly?
  3. Marriage should last longer than anything you own.

I’m probably just rehashing something everybody is already aware of, but it just doesn’t seem right that many mundane items tend to last longer than most marriages these days. 

Next time you get angry with your spouse, look inside your laundry hamper and ask, “Is he/she better than these dirty old pair of undies?”  The answer should be a definite “YES”.

Please be considerate and don’t let your marriage get beat by some old used underwear, thats just embarrassing 🙂

Categories: family, humor

Hunny bunny sweetie pie, I love you so much. Oh, BTW look what I just won on EBay.

March 28, 2012 22 comments

I’m in a little “dilly of a pickle” (Ned Flanders from Simpsons) this afternoon.  I ended up winning an item on EBay that I had no intention of winning.  Cycling season is in the air and I bid on pair of bicycle wheels with MSRP tag of $2500.00usd.  Of course I’m not crazy, there is NO way I’m spending that kind of money on some bicycle wheels.  I kept my max bid amount at $1101.00 just because I knew there is no way these wheels are gonna go that cheap.  Call it a surprise, miracle, fate, or coincidence.  I get a notice this morning via my smartphone saying I won the wheels for $1100.  My first thought, were all those Ninja Ebayers sleeping?  Those Ninjas always wait till the very last second to snipe the item, but somehow missed out on these wheels.

Now what am I gonna do?  My wife is my director of operation for finance and accounting, I can’t really hide a big purchase like this.  I thought about having my other cycling friend pay for this, and I would pay him back in monthly installment of cash.  I would simply tell my wife I am buying some cheap beater wheels from Larry, in hopes she doesn’t notice the quality and aesthetic difference.  Problem with this approach is, Larry has a wife that watches over his bicycle spending like a hawk, and my wife might know the difference between aluminum wheels vs. carbon fiber wheels.

I can also do the whole flowers, multiple I-love-yous, chocolates, dozen Georgetown gourmet cupcakes, but she’ll know I did something really bad.

I can argue its whole lot better than spending $1100 on gambling, smokes, alcohol, or drugs.  I’m kind of leaning toward this angle if I can’t think of anything better.

I suppose I can also email the seller and tell him my 5yr old son accidently bid on the item without my consent and ask him to cancel my purchase.  This is almost unthinkable because how often do you ever win a lottery? I just won the jackpot here, I can’t give that up.  Besides, what if I get a negative feedback as a result?  I am a model Ebay’er with perfect 100% feedback, and I have various award certificates to prove it.

There is a 3 way conflict going on here. 

  1.  I can’t lie to my wife about this
  2. I am not going to rip up my “winning lottery ticket”
  3. I really don’t want to deal with arguing over, “that money could have been spent on bathroom upgrades, kids clothing, end world hunger, help animal shelters, etc…”
Categories: bicycle, family, humor, wife

Prayer request is conflict of interest…not.

March 27, 2012 8 comments

Blogging definitely has strange affect on me, its one area where I feel I’m really disorganized.  It kind of feels like work, but not really.  It kind of feels personal, but not really.  Just when I think I’m going to write on something specific, I end up writing about stuff that’s complete opposite.  That is the case today.  I was all set to write about DLP vs. Plasma vs. Led TV, and I get a thought provoking comment from another talented blogger who, again, has better About-me page than me.  So, if you were planning on purchasing a big screen TV today you should probably wait a few days, and you can blame Mz.Autumn for the delay…lol 

I’m a different person now, but I used to get really awkward when somebody prayed for me.  In fact, I made it known to all my friends and family to never to pray for me under any situation, when there are other needy people who can better benefit from someone’s prayer.  My logic was this, and I still wonder about its validity, God can probably gather up all the prayers, every day.  All these prayer requests are in a form of a raw data, because it needs to be post processed to mean anything.  The processing procedure probably consists of going through all the data, combing through all the requests, and making them all work with each other and other events around the universe.  He probably needs to trim the ones that are not as important, or ones that may interfere with whatever conflict he sees. 

I’ve always been pretty good about taking care of things/people around me, and I never ever consider myself needy under any circumstances.  In other words, there are less fortunate people around the world that are in direr situation than me.  This kind of thinking made me feel really guilty and selfish for accepting someone’s prayer.  I felt like I was a billionaire and I’m accepting charity money from other people.  I would often say, if you have the energy, faith, or money, please go help them instead. 

Wouldn’t it be lot more efficient for God, if he did not receive prayer request that wasn’t urgent? It will be less data for him to go through.  And of course I feel bad, because somebody else around the world is missing out on his share of prayer request, because I’ve taken up that spot. 

I know all this data processing stuff sounds crazy, but remember, God made us in image of him.  There has got to be some kind of complicated process to go through all the prayers he receives every day.

So why did my opinion change, you ask? I came to another conclusion.  God probably has a lot of employees up there.  Can you imagine a perfect corporation run by a perfect owner and perfect employees, making perfect products?  An ideal perfect organization will have no issue going through all its customer/client requests.  Hopefully they’ll look out for the ones that believe in their product, first J 

Keep all those prayers comin’ folks!

Categories: children, family

Life is tough when you’re not “Brad Pitt”

March 23, 2012 69 comments

It’s about 90F here in picture perfect Maryland.  I am reminded of summertime foods, fruit/vegetable stands on the side of the road, and this topic.

Let me start by setting the stage. 

Scenario #1: Try to picture yourself kayaking in open water, its turbulent, you are little nervous.  Out of nowhere comes Brad Pitt in his own kayak.  He asks, “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you need any help?”

Scenario #2: Try to picture yourself selling fruits and vegetables on a side of the road in some distant foreign country, and you are alone by yourself.  Again out of nowhere, here comes Brad Pitt in his fancy sports car.  Wind is blowing through his perfect movie star hair and he approaches you to start up a conversation, maybe even a little flirt.

Is there anything wrong with any of these situations? Anything alarming?

Okay, let’s use couple of real examples now. 

Example #1:  My buddy was kayaking with his sea specific kayak and enjoying a beautiful day on the ocean, taking photos and just absorbing all the natural beauty.  Things start getting turbulent, so he starts heading back to shore.  He spots a lady in a recreational kayak struggling to get to the shore.  He quickly gets to her and asks very politely, “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you need any help?”  She instantly lashes out at him!  And says, “Stop stalking me, I’m calling the police when I get back!”

Example #2:  Around this time of the year, we have influx of Norwegian teenage girls working fruits and vegetable stands near our house, on a side of a small road.  Lots of respect goes out to these young ladies for doing such a difficult job when they could be out partying or relaxing.  Instead, it’s just her, the stand, & one little umbrella baking under the blistering sun or getting bombarded by rain.  So anyway, my wife and I always try to get something from her because it just feels like the right thing to do.  One time we are waiting at the 4way intersection, and my wife alarms me about our favorite vegetable girl.  She tells me there is something suspicious going on.  I look over and there is a silver Prius, fully decorated with all the “standard” Prius bumper stickers on the rear, parked next to the stand.  There is a middle aged man trying to have a conversation with the vegetable girl.  Wind is gently blowing and his comb-over hair is flying straight up like a sail.  Man has thick glasses and looks just like many of the scientists I work with.  My wife says the situation is very bad and insists the vegetable girl needs help.  She actually pulled out her phone to dial 911 only to find out her phone was dead, as usual…lol.  At this point I am in disbelief that my own wife would react this way.  I simply told my wife to stop profiling.  Just because a guy looks like a creep doesn’t mean he is about to harm her. 

I’m actually curious how many phone calls like this go through 911/police.  Was my wife overreacting? Did my buddy do the wrong thing by offering help?  I never want to be caught in any situation like this, and that’s the reason why I will never ever talk to a stranger woman.  For example, if a stranger lady and I are walking toward a same door, I will always throttle back so she gets there first.  I don’t want to deal with any complication that may result from holding a door open for a lady.

Categories: family, humor, Phone, wife

I am so poor that I am “po”… (part 1)

March 21, 2012 13 comments

 

 

 

Those that grew up in the ghetto probably know what I am talking about.  “po” is half of poor, which should be enough explanation as to what it means.  You know its election season when you hear poor people this and poor people that.  But does anybody even understand what poor is?  Or the evil rich? 

I believe I am well qualified to address this because I’ve been through all the various wealth stages.  I want to discuss meaning of “po” class, middle class, poor class, wealthy class, & evil wealthy class.  First part will talk about my po phase.

Part 1 start

I grew up in pretty rough part of NYC with my sister, mom, and pop.  My dad worked full 7 days from 5am to 11pm, my mother worked from 8am to 8pm, while my sister and I attended local public school together.  Everybody in this public school would be considered poor because almost all the family was on food stamp and welfare.  It was actually pretty easy to see who was on welfare and who was not.

Most kids had real lunch boxes with lots of candies/snacks, & real milk.  They dressed pretty nicely, for living in a ghetto.  Keep in my all this has to be in perspective.  I am not comparing ghetto kids to average kids in some wealthy districts.  They looked good for ghetto standard.

I didn’t have a lunch box, but a mere paper lunch bag that I would use over and over until it was non-functional.  I actually remember crying as a kid because some punk blew up my new lunch bag by blowing air into it and popping it.  I also wore girls clothing to school because my mother sold women’s clothing at a flea market, and I would end up wearing clothes that were returned by customers.  Most kids wore Lee and Levi’s while I was wearing Jordache, Gitano, or Sergio Valente with pink stripes, rhinestones, or little flowers.  Needless to say, I had my fair share of ass-whoopin and bullying.  My lunch was always the same bologna sandwich with water from the fountain, everyday.  I used to always be on a lookout for which kid is throwing away what snacks and I would go pick it out from the trash can to eat it.  Dumpster diving was a way of surviving back in those days.

So by now you have a pretty good understanding of who is “po” and who is poor.  I definitely grew up “po” while those other kids grew up poor.  Now let’s look at the family.

Most of the parents from this school were on welfare, various subsidy, & food stamp programs.  That also meant their kids qualified for free milk at school.  They also lived in nice apartments because it had air conditioning.  Most of them also had cable TV and a car.   

According to the tax codes, my parents made too much money to qualify for welfare, food stamp, & apartment subsidy.  Our apartment was so hot, we didn’t have a/c.  I always hated summer for this reason.  According to the government, my family was a middle class.  

Based on my experience I am going to say, poor is if you are in certain welfare class and certain middle class.

Based on my experience I am going to say, Po is if you are in the bottom middle class, just above the welfare cutoff threshold.  You get no free help even though you can be a penny above the cutoff mark.  Bottom middle class people need most amount of help and most amount of sympathy.  They are usually the type that work their asses off and refuse to take a handout.  I admire these people for their strength and durability.  I have no sympathy for anybody living under the welfare cutoff number, because there are group of people who has far less, in worse condition.  I’ll go one step further and say most of these welfare recipients live better than most middle income families. 

To be continued…

Categories: family, humor

Is this a good advice, from this man?

March 7, 2012 7 comments

 I like getting advice from folks that has “been there, done that”.  The most intriguing advice I ever got was from an old man, on marriage/wife/kids.  His said, “Key to successful long everlasting marriage is…” <short pause> “make your decision based on what will make her quiet” 

I have a lot of respect for this old man; he only had one love of his life, he talks and resembles Santa Claus, and children love him.

Categories: children, family, wife

God, cucumber, & lottery ticket

March 6, 2012 13 comments

One of my favorite bloggers spurred me to write on this topic so, here—we—- go.  Tackling topic on God, I hope I don’t mess this up.

I think a lot about random topics, as most bloggers do.  I especially like the, “how did we get here…” question.  I was an atheist pretty much all throughout my life, until I finally graduated with my engineering degree and started living on my own.  I used to torment fellow college students who were faithful to God and I tried my hardest to make them feel bad.  It went something like this, “You belong to Christian Fellowship group?” “Hmm, you must be a hypocrite and a fool!”

I had what I call a cucumber moment when I lived out in Iowa for couple of years.  When you are out there all you do is muse because there is absolutely nothing else to do.  I am your typical guy.   I’m messy, I keep rotting things in a refrigerator, all my cooking involves the George Foreman grill, etc…  One day my mother came to visit me and helped me clean out the apartment and the fridge.  My mother discovered big pool of “mucus” in the vegetable drawer, she was clearly disgusted.  I stared at it for a while and realized that used to be a fresh healthy cucumber.  But also, it finally dawned on me, that pool of mucus will never be anything better than its current condition of “pool of crap”.    I don’t care if I stare at the thing for 20+million years, it’s NEVER going to turn into a frog, fish, potato, or a toad.  I convincingly believed it doesn’t matter if you kiss it, spit at it, mix it with other rotting juice, it will never ever turn into a “prince”.  How could I have believed such a fairy tale to be true, when it was so obvious it wasn’t?  Princess and the Toad story will always remain a fairy tale story.   

It became pretty easy to apply some logic after I was convinced about the state of the cucumber.  I asked myself what is the most reasonable thing to believe?  What makes better sense?  It’s either 1.  God exists, or 2.  That Pool-of-crap will someday, in the distant future, will fly in the air with feathers.

With those to two possible assumptions I get four possible outcomes:

1.  God really exists and I believe in God.

2.  God really exists, but I believe the Pool-of-crap will fly someday.

3.  God doesn’t exist but I believe in God

4.  God doesn’t exist and I believe the Pool-of-crap will fly someday.

If scenario 1 is true, congratulations, you are going to heaven.

If scenario 2 is true, you are in for a world of hurt.  That last divorce where your spouse wiped you out is nothing, compared to what is about to happen.

If scenario 3 is true, you basically wasted time going to church, some money, and some time.  But I’m willing to bet people waste more time and money by sitting through bad TV shows/movies/parties, etc…  (Can somebody please put Kardesians & Jersey Shore out of their misery?)

If scenario 4 is true, I guess you will die an optimized death, with minimal resources wasted.

Being a good person is a very hard work, it’s not easy resisting temptations on a daily basis, but it’s one of the requirements of going to “heaven”.  We all know, the other requirement is to believe, which I feel is the easier of the two requirements.  What I’m implying is this; you are already doing the hardest part of the requirements anyway.  Why not just take a chance on believing and see what happens in the end?  When you invest this HEAVILY on yourself, you do want a good return in the end.  If you are this good person, there are two possible outcomes.  1.  If there is God, you will be very well rewarded.  2.  If there is no God, it won’t even matter because if you die, you simply remain dead.  If you are going to gamble don’t you want to put it into something that may have some reward in the end?  versus putting money on something with ZERO chance of any positive reward.

Conclusion(1)

 I see this “believe/non believe issue” like a lottery ticket. 

Let’s say you are only allowed to purchase one very special lottery ticket from a store 15miles away.  It costs a $1 to play for $1million, but your chance of winning is 50/50.  Do you commit? 

In conclusion(2),

 Assuming you are a good person.

Let’s say you are given a chance to believe in God at a church roughly 15miles away.  It costs very minimal in tides to participate for infinite happiness, but your chance of winning is 50/50.  Do you commit?

Categories: family, humor

How is a man to die?

February 17, 2012 11 comments

So I’m watching a TV show called 1000 Ways to die, and although its funny in some sense, its actually really depressing knowing you died and you are being made fun of on TV.  I haven’t really thought about death until I had kids.  I’m not afraid of dying but I’m very afraid of what might happen to everyone that depends on me.  I think about what will happen to my kids, my wife, & even my parents.  Also, I certainly don’t want to die in a way where its lackluster or humiliating.  The more I think about this topic, the more complicated it gets, there are too many details to consider. 

After careful consideration, I decided I want to die as a complete wreck.  Let me explain, I see my body as a work truck.  Best work truck is the one you own from beginning to its final death, after the odometer rolled over at least once and while its still able to haul building material in the back.  The truck will have given it all, over the years.  Radio stops working, roof starts leaking, power window/lock stops working, bad rattling noise in the front, etc… Even while things are breaking down inside, the truck still pulls hard until it no longer can.  The owner at this point will look back and see how much the truck meant to him.  All the money he was able to make because of this truck, all the memorable family trips, the first home you ever built while carrying lumber and equipment with that truck.  There will be no doubt the owner got tremendous VALUE out of the truck.

I want to die as a wreck.  I will have given everything I possibly can.  I will try my best and push myself to the limit.  I want every part of my body and spirit to be falling apart from all the things I accomplished.  I want to die while closing a huge business deal or while turning that last bolt with a wrench.  I want to die knowing I gave everything I am capable of, to make things better for my family and to people that depend on me.

Categories: children, family

My best moment as a father and a husband

February 15, 2012 8 comments

This event happened several days ago but it still makes me laugh, so its a sure indicator of a good post for my blog. 

It was just an ordinary dinner at my house, just me, the two boys (5 and 3), and my lovely wife.  The two boys are talking back and forth about what they are going to give mommy for valentine day.  It was pretty cute to see them go back and forth trying to “one-up” each other.  Eventually, oldest one settles on full size Hershey’s chocolate and the little one settles on his ring pop.  It was a really sweet gesture because I know how much those two items mean to them.  Full size chocolate bar is so valuable to my oldest because we rarely allow any candy in the house and when he does get one, it’s always the little baby sized ones.  The ring pop is also the most treasured item for my youngest.  It’s almost halfway eaten thus it is a “used” item.  He guards it like a pit-bull, and it’s the only candy that has lasted this long because he only allows himself to get few licks/day before he packs it away for another day.  So now, I just couldn’t just sit on the sideline and let this simply play out like this.  After my boys made their final decision, I stand up and yell out, my valentine to mommy will be the bestest in the whole wide world!!  I see the look on my kids face and you know they are getting nervous.  “What are you gonna get mommy, daddy? asks the oldest.  I boast bombastically, “I’m getting her a shiny new expensive Proform Tour de France training bicycle for Valentine’s Day, and it is sooooo expensive and sooooooo beautiful that nobody can get her anything better….HAHAHA!”  Please keep in mind I am just playing around and my wife is a tri-athlete.  I just know there is somebody getting ready to blast me with a hate mail for getting my wife a nice bicycle when my avatar shows how much I like bicycles, too.  I promise you, my wife really loves this bike.  So anyway, going back to the dinner table, my kids are in shock, devastated, and feeling hopeless.  I don’t ever recall having a quiet moment at the dinner table like that…lol.  You can clearly see my boys are worried sick to their stomach.  I just had to take another jab again.  I ask the young one, “Sooooo, what did you say you were gonna get mommy?”  He replied, “It’s a secret, I’m not telling you.”  LOL, I was balling in tears!  Then I turn to my older one and ask the same question.  He was in complete silence with facial signs of distress everywhere, I was actually getting worried he might start crying right then.  He looked over to mommy, with the saddest puppy face, for some kind of miracle, hope, or sign that was clearly starting to dissipate from him.  You can see the sadness in his eyes, worried his mommy would love him less because daddy’s gift is so much nicer, and knowing it was beyond impossible to match daddy’s gift.  I wish I could have taken a picture of them looking at each other; it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.  Mommy didn’t say anything back, but I can tell she was getting all teary eyed, too.  She understood what was going through his little mind and she understood he felt that way because of how much he loved her.  My oldest truly loves mommy beyond anything in this world.  I started getting little choked up because it was so sweet, beautiful, and innocent.  Just when I think it won’t get any worse, my oldest finally starts to say something.  He was very choked up and emotional as he was trying to say what was on his mind.  He says, “Mommy, I’m gonna give you my heart for Valentine’s Day…” and he starts crying uncontrollably.  That immediately sets off chain reaction of tears.  My wife embraced my oldest, the kind of embrace only a loving & caring mother can give, and starts crying with him.  I’m trying to hold back my tears, while my youngest is getting upset because he now understands he has the worst present for mommy…lol.  My youngest is at an age where he realizes it stinks to be so little.  He gets very frustrated at times when he knows what he want to do, but he just can’t accomplish it because…he is only three. 

Everybody had wonderful dinner and everybody is feeling pretty good, so we just resumed our normal activity after dinner.  Kids run off to play with their toys for next 30min while mommy and daddy catch up with day’s events at the dinner table.    My oldest kept interrupting by asking us to spell “love”.  What happened next was something words cannot describe, so I am not even gonna attempt to describe it.  Please refer to Figure 1 below, mommy is the tall skinny one.  He did that 100% all by himself, no help from anybody, from scratch.  Its days like this where parenting has its greatest reward.  This one day makes up for all the chaos, destructions, broken electronics, crying, fighting etc…, and whatever grief these kids will cause in the future.  The little one hears all commotion going on and takes a break from his Thomas & friends to see what is going on.  Realizing he is snuffed again, he is now DEMANDING somebody help him create an art project that will match what his older brother just did.  Folks, when things get this cute, this fast, I cannot control myself.  I start chasing these two rugrats around until they are cornered, then I give them a big giant bear hug to squeeze out whatever cuteness remains within them..lol. 

I guess we all know who won the Valentine’s day challenge of 2012 🙂

Mommy's valentine

Categories: bicycle, children, family, wife

My kid has Eczema, what now?

February 1, 2012 2 comments

My oldest boy had really bad case of eczema when he was just an infant.  Our pediatrician recommended we use all sorts of topical cream on him.  For example, the one cream she recommended was called Fluocinonide cream 0.05%.  I read the ingredient and it sure looks like something I do not want my kid getting dependent on.  I’m probably being ignorant to modern pharmaceutical, but I’m all for letting human body deal with whatever comes its way, naturally.  Long story short I fought tooth and nail against my wife and pediatrician and decided to treat him using something lot less potent.  Wife and I agreed on dry skin cream labeled, “Eucerin Dry skin therapy Original” moisturizing crème.  I lathered him up after every bath, every night, and completely replaced Fluocinonide cream.  I knew it was probably tough on my boy because there were times when he would really flare up and complain about the rash.  By this point I knew what his threshold for irritability was.  I let him go long as possible with just Eucerin until it became really bad and I would add little bit of fluocinonide for instant relief.  I kept up this routine for next 4 years with really positive result.  I started noticing his body was getting more tolerant and his irritability threshold also got raised significantly.  He would have fewer cases of bad outbreaks and these outbreaks eventually became smaller and smaller.  I know his pain tolerance was raised because he would same same kind of breakout that used to bother him, but now he would just….take it like a man and not think of it.  My oldest is 5 now and I no longer worry about his eczema.  I should also add my current 3 year old was also diagnosed with eczema when he was an infant.  I treated him the exactly the same way as my 5 year old, and he is already “cured”.  I put cured in quotes because he does have some small level of breakout from time to time, but its nothing little Eucerin and pain tolerance can’t handle.

Categories: children, family

Children’s book review : Toto the cloud dog

January 21, 2012 8 comments

This is my first children’s book review based on a great book I just read to my two boys, 5 and 3. My wife and I read plenty of children’s book to them but for some reason this one book stands out above all other books I’ve read to them. The book is called “Toto the Cloud Dog” by C. Nicholas and it’s on Amazon.com books. This book is interesting to me because it can be read in couple of different ways. Your kids will interpret it as a cute fluffy dog doing good deeds around the world. You will interpret it as something bit more serious. If you ever suffered loss of a family dog, or pet, this book will strike a chord with you.

My kids love this book because illustration is bright and characters are fun. Story starts out with Toto, the main character, being abused by a naughty kid. Toto gets rescued by a good boy who takes really good care of Toto. At some point Toto is struck with illness and is in pretty bad shape. What happens next is really interesting and there is a twist here. Your children will see it as Toto eventually getting better and helping out other animals around the world. Parents will realize Toto is dying while there is some “behind the scene” stuff going on with the higher power. Toto eventually do die and becomes an angel. I got really choked up here because I did lose a family dog some time ago and it was bitter sweet reading this book to my boys. So anyway, according to my interpretation, Toto becomes an angel and starts helping out other animals around the world.

I love the fact this book is written with a strong Christian value. If you are offended by Christmas, this book is not for you. I will definitely keep this book handy for the future. I want my kids to read it again, for the first time, when they are older. It will be interesting to hear their reaction when they realize what is really going on. Its intelligent writing, very thoughtful, and the author clearly loved his dog.

So in conclusion, this is a great book if you love dogs or you just love animals, and especially if you recently lost a loving pet.

I would like to award these books as being the best of the best children’s books for my kids,

1.  Best classic children’s book category: All the Margaret Wise books.

2.  Best behavior teaching book category: Rainbow fish

3.  Best children’s dog book category: Toto the Cloud dog

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