Home > children, family, Uncategorized, wife > no, No, NO!!! We can’t afford a family trip this year.

no, No, NO!!! We can’t afford a family trip this year.

I am just so tired of having this conversation with my wife; I’m really losing sleep and productivity over it.  Our 10year anniversary is coming up in couple of months and she cannot focus on anything else other surfing all the travel websites.  We have a conference room setup in our house and we should be working-working, not surfing the web for vacation stuff.  Kids are sleeping, and she knows all the to-do items that need to be addressed before we even discuss anything related to fun.

It all comes down to the fact I didn’t give her the wedding honeymoon that she wanted.  I planned the honeymoon and I picked a quaint little town called Door County in Northeast Wisconsin.  It was ideal because it was close to home and I started a new task at work that needed my attention, ASAP.  It was a beautiful honeymoon and we have such beautiful memories from it.  The whole honeymoon became a problem on our 1 year anniversary.  She said, “You still owe me a honeymoon”.  To that I said, “Its honeymoon everyday in our householdJ” But she wasn’t feeling it L  So that forced me to take my 1st ever international trip out to Cancun for 7days.  The 2nd anniversary was more of the same with the added, “That last resort was pretty bad”.   So the 3rd anniversary we stayed in presidential suite that was big and lavish enough to house family of 10.  Things were quiet until the 5th anniversary.  Apparently I still owned her a honeymoon.  She said all the other ones didn’t count because it wasn’t on an island.  We ended up staying in a gorgeous hotel on the island of Cozumel for 14 days.

We now have 2 kids since the “last” honeymoon.  I’m working on family budget, business budgets, project timelines, design reviews, business proposals, & renderings, and what do I get from across the table?…”Honey, when are you going to give me the honeymoon you promised”.  I was so close to just blowing up at her.  All I did was look at her and not say anything.  She kept going on and on about how we needed a big family trip and how badly she wants to go to Hawaii or Europe for the honeymoon, which I still owed her.  I took a deep breath and told her we can’t afford it this year.  This is absolutely true because we have a double mortgage and our monthly spending has ballooned to 10 times what it normally should be.  Yes, you heard that right, 10times!!  The construction of the new house is draining all the money and I need to work more hours and days to make it all happen.  Since acquiring the new property, I’m working 7 days/week and I’ve been going to bed between 12am-2am, everyday.  I’m not whining or complaining here, I just want somebody to throw me a bone! But all I get is, you are too cheap, you are not participating in family activities, you still owe me a honeymoon, etc…

I feel like everything is so fragile right now, and my absence will cause a catastrophic collapse of all the intricate progress that I’ve been making for all the businesses and the new home.  All I need to do is continue the same routine, eat same type of food, & same exercise for next 9 months, and everything will be fine.

Baby, I love you but WE CAN’T AFFORD A FAMILY VACATION TO HAWAII THIS YEAR!! Is there a different way to say this? because this conversation is ready to blow up if it doesn’t get resolved real soon.  I’m definitely pushing my human limit everyday and stuff like this can really send any man over the edge…<sigh>

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  1. June 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Yikes! I feel for you BOTH. Chris, at the risk of being wrong I’m going to offer an opinion. I don’t really think it’s a real “Honeymoon” that your wife is seeking. It’s TIME. Time away with YOU. No phones, no work, no nothing. Just the two of you. If you’re working that many hours then she is most likely feeling left out and needs some one on one with you (again, I could be wrong here). How about a simple (not luxurious) weekend getaway surprise? Maybe a nice camping getaway. Just be sure to choose one which provides adequate (nice) bathroom and shower facilities. Just the two of you. It can be quite romantic (I’m sure you can both use some creativity with that). Leave the cellphones at home and give the kids (and their caretakers) the park # so you can be reached should there be an emergency. Bike riding, trail walking, bonfires and snuggling up in a sleeping bag for 2.
    TIME together. 🙂

    • June 21, 2012 at 10:57 am

      My wife and I spend incredible amount ot time together. Once I come home, we are inseparable. We work and lounge in our conference room until we are all caught up with day’s action items. She’ll usually go to bed sooner because I don’t want two of us to suffer.
      I’m pretty certain it is about the Honeymoon. I told her we can do Florida, Bahama cruise, wine tour of Maine, Long Island, etc… To her, its 10year anniversary, and it MUST be Hawaii 😦
      I love camping and I can’t wait to show you my setup…lol. My wife is a city girl and she hated camping. I showed her concept of “luxury” camping and she is hooked!
      Lee, I don’t know how much longer I can take this Hawaii conversation, its been non-stop. I can’t even open my eyes right now because they are so dry and so tired 😦

      • June 21, 2012 at 11:01 am

        I hear you Chris. Is the time you’re spending together considered “quality one on one” time or are you both just going through motions of daily life together. BIG difference.
        Instead of saying NO to her request, maybe sit her down and “discuss” alternatives for a win/win situation.

        • June 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

          You raise a very interesting topic, “quality one on one”. Best I can say is, I THINK its a quality one on one time. She and I have one future goal in mind, which is to retire ASAP. She has a relentless personality that is like a double edged sword. Its amazing how much work output we produce when we are working together toward a common goal. So based on that, I am assuming that it is a quality one on one?? Its just odd sometimes that she gets all “girly” on me like this. She is fully aware of the financial situation and the fact that she is still pushing for it is just beyond me.

          • June 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

            A man’s view of one on one is not the same as a woman’s (in most cases). She is girly girly because she is a woman…..and we are “emotionally driven”. Capice? Productivity and working together for a common goal is awesome and being with each is as well but are you really and truly CONNECTED as ONE or merely going through motions? Ask her…….

            • June 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm

              You would think 10years is long enough to understand how each other operates 😦
              No doubt this discussion will get dragged out and it will end up either somebody’s pride getting hurt or a bank forclosure 😦

              • June 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm

                OUCH!!! Not fun my friend. 😦 I do hope you can both come to accept each others view and agree on a win/win situation.
                Bless,
                Lee
                (I would love to hear what others have to say on this situation). 😉

  2. June 21, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Bless your heart! I am throwing u a bone! I hope u can get your point across! I pulled this with my husband and I got NOWHERE! Your wife is very GOOD!

    • June 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

      She is relentless. I’ve seen her use this tactic before, when she wanted to move out of beautiful Wisconsin. I feel like I’m being chipped away every night. I guess there is no such thing as 10year anniversary celebration in a form of I.O.U.?
      How did your situation get resolved? are you holding any grudge against your husband as a result of it?

      • June 21, 2012 at 5:19 pm

        I just pulled the “I didn’t get a real honeymoon” card once. So, we went somewhere nice on our first anniversary but it wasn’t Cancun. I think your wife needs to find a new angle. You have already given her several honeymoons. Stand your ground…maybe Hawaii next year! Hopefully, she will be reasonable and not hold a grudge. Good luck.

        • June 21, 2012 at 10:30 pm

          I would have never guessed that IOU honeymoon was so popular…lol Whatever “how-to-books” you ladies are reading, its certainly showing you good tips on how to back you man into a corner…lol.
          You are right, I do need to stand my ground and somehow need to break this spell she is under. I think if she is able to get over the fact that its our 10year anniversary, it would be a non-issue. It would be great if I can somehow justify to her that 11year anniversary is the new 10year anniversary. If Oprah, or other prominent woman figure, made this anouncement, I would be so happy….gosh what a stupid thought that is…ugg

  3. June 21, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Ooops!!! Tricky situation you have here Chris! Can I really throw you a lifeline here…if you and your wife can make time to take that holiday. I have two vacation weeks pending this year from my club membership…you are most welcome to use them or as many days as you want. Let me know for I would like to really help. The one thing I would not recommend is an I.O.U. You will never hear the end of it…

    • June 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm

      That is very generous of you. I always do prefer those private membership type of resorts over mainstream ones you get from various travel sites. I am hoping and praying it does not happen though. I’m really feeling sick at the thought of leaving all this behind and risking whatever consequence that may result from it.
      You are probably right about the I.O.U. Heck, I still owe her the first honeymoon, right? 😦

      • June 26, 2012 at 12:23 am

        So…why wait. Write to to me umasudhindra@gmail.com and let me do the needful 🙂

        • June 26, 2012 at 8:51 am

          hahaha, my wife will love you for sure 🙂
          I have firmly decided against the Hawaii idea for this year. Based on lot of the inputs I got back, I think she will appreciate my decision sometime in the future. Thanks, and I’ll keep your email handy for just the right occasion 🙂

  4. June 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Dude…are you not thinking?…take the family and go to France… as in Tour de France…great way to see France…and you and one million other kind, considerate folks get to see the Tour…as an added bonus I am sure the kids will never forget seeing the guys in lime green mankinis running down the road screaming at the top of their lungs or the guy who dresses up like satan, cape and pitchfork included.

    Now about the financial side…well, I’ve got that figured out for you too.

    Here is what you do…pay for all of it with a credit card…then when the massive bill is delivered to your front doorstep via a forklift truck…simply declare bankruptcy and lose it all…current house, new house house being built, the cars, all the toys, everything…then as you and your wife are sitting in some studio apartment and the kids have the top bunk and you and your wife share the bottom, you can proudly say, “Well hell Honey wasn’t that a sweet honeymoon we had.?”

    Problem solved.

    You can thank me later.

    🙂

    Be encouraged!

    • June 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

      Stephen, I will definitely be borrowing some of your lines in my next showdown with the wife. Sombody is coming out of this all bloodied and battered i fear 😦
      My plan is to hit her really hard and fast with all the bad possibilities and somehow weave in all the examples of how much I love her, and the family, before she lets anything out. I guess I never realized how big of a deal a 10yr aniversary is to some people. My thing is, why is 10 any more speical than 11 or 12? Wouldn’t you think 11 yr anniversary should be more significant than a 10?

      • June 21, 2012 at 4:38 pm

        Tell her you only believe in the hexadecimal base, and you only find the anniversary meaningful every 16 decimal years. “Honey it’s not year 10 this year, it’s year A.”

        • June 21, 2012 at 5:13 pm

          Thats probably not a good idea because all the wedding documents are base 10 and its important to stay in consistent numerical base for that particular related events. I’m really trying to lobby for 10year plus 1year allowable tolerance, in base10. But if I can somehow convice her that all aniversaries and honeymoons are meaningless….lol. omg, I’ll get thrown out of the house.

    • June 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm

      Oh, and I will have to try to stay encouraged on this one 🙂 Thanks Stephen

      • June 21, 2012 at 5:14 pm

        Chris, does your wife read your blog?

        Be encouraged!

        • June 21, 2012 at 9:02 pm

          The way I have my life designed right now, my wife reading this blog will imply that either I am dead or about to die. Its what my whole “dear wife” letter is all about. Kinda like its my last set of explanation for all the things that she didn’t understand at the time. I’ll be linking this story to the wife page, once it boils over.

  5. June 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I don’t get the whole deal with honeymoons and anniversaries. I come from a culture where that’s just not really celebrated, or at least not taken as such a big deal. My parents not only never had a honeymoon, their “wedding” consisted of going to city hall, signing the marriage license, and going home. They only ever celebrated their 10th and 20th anniversaries by cooking themselves a nice dinner. Most years they don’t even realise it’s their anniversary.

    Of course, everyone has different things that they find meaningful and valuable. And obviously this is important to your wife. But I think, just like how you probably shouldn’t buy every expensive bike you like, how my dad shouldn’t buy every expensive camera he sees, how I can’t go buy a ticket to see The Who every time they’re in town, your wife probably shouldn’t go on every expensive vacation she wants to go on.

    But I’m not married, so I don’t feel qualified on advising the best way to communicate that to her.

    • June 21, 2012 at 4:42 pm

      Boy, my life would be soooo easy if my family operated like your parents 🙂 Honestly, I am trying to see the significance of the 10yr anniversary, but it pales in comparisons to potentially losing so much. Expensive bike, camera, wheels is one thing, but a lavish Hawaiian “honeymoon” is alot of freakin money, for party of 5 people. And I’m certain my two boys are too old to get any good deals during this vacation. Normally this vacation would be manageable, but I just can’t believe it NEEDS to happen this year. I’ve dealt with other years where it was bad, but 2012 is a whole new animal for me. I’m in survival mode for next 9 months 😦

    • June 21, 2012 at 5:00 pm

      i bet you laugh at all the people that spend thousands of dollars on wedding and honeymoon…lol. I feel terrible when I say this but I don’t recall anything from my wedding day, other than the fact it was really really hot. All that money spent and I have no memory of it…sheesh. I guess my wife is the memory. My worst fear is making her depressed. I know I can crush this request anytime I want to, but i can’t stand to see her cry over it. You will save your family ton of money by eliminating honeymoon and anniversary celabrations 🙂

      • June 21, 2012 at 10:09 pm

        Omg I can’t understand people who spend thousands of dollars on weddings and honeymoons at all! If I ever get married I’m pretty sure I’d just throw a barbecue in my parent’s back yard, invite only my closest friends and buy a few cases of beer. My budget would be $1000, if that. I’m probably going to spend more money next year being my best friend’s bridesmaid than I would ever spend on my own wedding lol!

        • June 21, 2012 at 11:11 pm

          hmmm, that sounds EXACTLY like my friend’s wedding, it was a real redneck wedding, too..lol
          I always wanted to have one of those theme weddings in Vegas. The Star Trek one is pretty cool 🙂

  6. June 22, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Decided to copy my personal response to you here: Last September my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I had this vision in my mind of staying in a quaint little cottage in Maine. We would go whale watching, eat clam chowder and take walks by the beach. I know that my husband would have loved to give me this dream anniversary gift. But the reality was that we couldn’t afford it. All I can say is that I have gotten a lot less “selfish” through the years. Don’t misunderstand me. I am NOT saying your wife is selfish. But marriage tends to mature you. At 10 years, I would have been pouting, perhaps throwing a mini tantrum that my husband wasn’t doing what I wanted. Now at 20 years, I can appreciate the fact that we have gotten this far. I can recognize that a vacation won’t make our marriage any better than it is. In fact, going into debt over it could actually make it more difficult. I trust that one day we will go to Maine…when we can afford it. Give her time. She will come around. Just be patient. You might have to visually show her why it won’t work.

  7. cookiemomma
    June 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    😦 Ouch! Sorry I really have no great words of wisdom for this without sounding harsh towards someone I don’t know. Just hang in there, keep your head straight, and focus on needs to be done. Time will make it better. Shhh! Tomorrow is my birthday and I have not said a word about it to Nick and he has yet to ask what I wanted or anything, so this should be interesting! lol Good luck

    • June 25, 2012 at 10:23 pm

      oh my goodness, must you ladies torment your men like that? Poor guy, I feel his pain.
      Regarding my story, you probably don’t have a great words of wisdome because you are not clouded by indestructable wife-barrier that is “Dream honeymoon since she was a little baby” 😦
      I have decided not to assult her in any way because it a wasted energy and its not penetrating through her defense mechanism. I think I may have figured out a way to baypass her defense mechanism, thus waiting until her guards are down. Best way I know is by collecting some “brownie points” and basically turn them in along with the logical reason again. I’ve learned its all about timing!
      I’m well under way of phase1. I told her to take some time off and go hang out at the spas and go on mini all-moms trip this week. I’m actually eating peanut butter sandwich and beer right now….lol. Thank goodness for restaurants, else my kids and I would die of starvation this week…lol

      • cookiemomma
        June 26, 2012 at 8:09 am

        You seem to be such a great guy and she knows that and I am sure she is an amazing woman. Sometimes we fail to see further than what we want to see. This will all work out with time. She will look back and be so greatful for everything you are sacrificing and doing for the better of your family’s well being right now! Best of luck.

        • June 26, 2012 at 8:55 am

          Now, I am 100% certain this is the right decision. You and the others have suggested this will be forgiven in the future. Thanks for the reinforcement!!
          Hope you have wonderful b’day celebration today. I hear you might be getting some Justin Bieber concert tickets from Nick…lol. Let me know how that goes 🙂

          • cookiemomma
            June 26, 2012 at 1:23 pm

            Good!! So far, I have gotten tons of Happy Birthdays from fb friends, and cards from the kiddos, I am a very happy mom. Thanks!

  8. June 26, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    I agree that there may be a “love language” barrier going on here (see The Five Love Languages book by Steven Chapman). You may be screaming “LOVE” in your love language, but she isn’t receiving it that way.

    Anyway, I was planning a 10 year anniversary cruise around Hawaii. Then our daughter started having seizures. Long story short, she has serious medical problems. We didn’t get to go on that anniversary trip. And we haven’t done much in the years since (will be 18 total this October). But, we do have our memories of our first years without children. We did some kind of trip each year. Some were very cheap. We can look back through the pictures and enjoy the memories. And some day in the future maybe we will get that trip to Hawaii (or Ireland or ???).

    The marriage is more important than the wedding, the honeymoon or the anniversary gifts/trips. Try to focus on that.

    • June 26, 2012 at 11:40 pm

      I did read about your daughter in your blog and she she blessed to have parents like you and your wife. Your last line of “The marriage is more important than the wedding, the honeymoon or the anniversary gifts/trips” is PERFECTLY said. Hope you don’t mind if I “borrow” that line from you for my final phase of my plan. Its my plan of breaking down her initial barrier so that I can have a real honest heart to heart communication regarding the situation.

      • June 27, 2012 at 8:30 am

        Of course you may borrow it! I hope you two find your way to an even better marriage as a result of the conflict (and resolution!).

        • June 27, 2012 at 9:07 am

          conflict and resolution does have a way of strengthening a marriage, doesn’t it? its definitely a big part of a marriage building block.

  9. June 29, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Wow, You definately deserve a round of applause for all your efforts! I would throw you a bone, heck – you can have 2 ! haha

    Three attempts of honeymoons even after she recieved one! You truely are a great man & the fact that you are trying to keep up with work, your children & your financial responsibilities all at the same time while working 7 days a week; that is a lot more than most people can say!

    Understanding that right now is not the time & the fact that your wife has had 3 already is something she should over-analyze. You seem to be working your tail off to maintain a balance & keep everyone happy yet she must try & see that in you too.

    You can’t spread yourself to thin! I hope she is able to work things out with you and come to a compromise. Best of luck! You truely seem like a kind hearted, loving husband & father 🙂

    • June 29, 2012 at 12:36 pm

      hahaha, you might say that now, but wait until you get married. I serious think there is plot among married women to trap husband into a corner or forming some tactics to submit them for whatever reason. I see myself as that guy that works in the boiler room of a large cruise ship sometimes. Everybody is having fun upstairs and none of them sees the ugliness that goes on behind the scene.
      You can save your great man comment for when I achieve world peace…lol. I’m simply a working husband, like so many other working husbands facing same issues and challenges of marriage 🙂 I think it just comes with the territory of being married..lol.
      I defnitely do enjoy staying busy and productive, because I would be playing video games if I didn’t do that…lol
      Thanks the bone, times 2 🙂 It made my day!
      So when are you going marry that wonderful man of yours? 🙂

      • June 29, 2012 at 5:13 pm

        hahaha Hopefully i don`t change too much when I do get married lol

        && it would be awesome to find a man that is willing to go above & beyond for his wife & children . Every girls dream, bu not all men carry those same idealistic values lol

        Being productive is always a good thing, your like me – I enjoy staying busy usually.

        I am glad 2 bones made your day haha you def deserve it.

        & marriage is in my future – If it was up to my bf he would probably do it quite soon but I def. want to wait a few more years until I am done & settled with school. He`s older than I am .. I honestly wouldn’t be able to support myself or a family at this point in time. I know that he could probably take care of me but I am aiming to do more for myself. 🙂

        But he truly is a good match though as of yet

  10. October 18, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    Im a 32 year old disabled man i am married with three children .however this past feburary we lost our youngest son from malpractice .Me my wife and two sons have to live with my adopted parents and adopted severly autistic sister .We have been together for 11 years and married for 7 years and i have never been able to afford a real wedding Or honeymoon we have not had no vacation the whole 11 years i feel like a failure of a husband and father .I have not been able to take care of my family since 2007 cause i was mowing my ditch and i was struck and hit hard .It was a hit and run .yes im still here but now we have to survive on my disability and it’s not much for a family of four.And now since the loss of our beautiful baby boy my wife is having so many serious illnesses . I pray all is well with her she and my boys are my world .She has a feeling that she won’t be here but with me and my boys much longer we’ve suffered enough over these last few years n this year being the worst so if there is anyone out there is that can help me show my wife a good memory from this year please help me .

    Ken Boulton
    (810) 336-8300
    1146 E Frances rd
    Mount Morris MI 48458 Anyone

    or honeymoon we have not had no vacation the whole 11 years i feel like a
    failure of a husband and father

  11. Mindy
    January 16, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Sounds identical to my life lol
    Married 10 years coming up
    Our honeymoon wasn’t a “real”honeymoon either,
    4 kids and feeling like I want my knight in shining armor to wisk me up off my feet in happiness that we have been married this long and just not letting the day pass by… It hurts kinda.

    • January 16, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      lol, that is too funny, I guess some women think alike. Long distance trips are not considered vacation anymore, its just too stressful with kids and the wife driving me insane! But trust me, your knight in shining armor is probably feeling guilty for not giving you the real honeymoon you’ve always wanted, I feel it every year 😦

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