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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

You are a liar, you must die!

August 16, 2013 47 comments
Courtesy of Bing image

Courtesy of Bing image

I don’t know what kind of woman Eve was, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she had similar zero tolerance policy against lying like my wife. White, grey, black, green, purple…no color bias here, it’s all the same, lie is a lie and I must pay the price of…ummm…near death!

Many years ago my wife and I had a fiery argument over this topic. The zero tolerance policy is too strict and I feel it’s impossible to have a good healthy relationship that’s based on full disclosure of EVERYTHING and 100% pure truth on EVERYTHING. She vehemently hate liars with so much anger and vitriol its shocking to see such lovely peace loving princess transform in to a She-Hulk at the hint of lying.
In her world white lies and non-white lies should be treated the same, and punishable to the maximum penalty while staying inside the legal bound.

I tell her that I’m sticking to my core principles and I’m going to continue lying and forget mundane things on regular basis for as long as I’m alive.

My take on lying is, as long as it’s done tastefully and in good judgment with good intention, it can be an important tool for romance, excitement, laugh, and surprise.  I told her I believe in miracles and white lies. She said b.s. and called me a compulsive liar, and I accused her of being a hateful vile person. So we had our first real fight, it was our epic Marriage War I. She threw everything at me such as, the bible, Oprah articles, psychology articles, Dr.Phil, Judge Judy, etc… while I simply spoke from the heart.lol
In the end, the peace treaty was signed in the form of hugs, kisses, & Belgian chocolates. I just want to take this time out to tell the world why I’m a compulsive liar and why it’s required to hold my marriage together. In fact I don’t even call it white lies, my wife and I now call it “pieux mensonge” per the peace treaty article 7 section 2(b), because French language has a way of turning everything into romance and love. As long as the word ‘lie’ is omitted from our conversation, my wife will stay in her human form.

  1.  Most common form of pieux mensonge is when I leave out certain details of the conversation that my wife is having issues with because, I honestly forgot about it. I have superior ability to forget things that I perceive to be irrelevant. Sadly there are too many things that my wife does consider to be relevant and I just can’t keep up. 7 out of 10 times, I truly don’t recall things. It’s a pieux mensonge because even when I’m telling the truth, it still turns into a lie.
  2. Wife asks these questions: Do I look good in these? Can you see the panty line in these? Do they make my boobs look too big? Does this belt work with this necklace? I almost never tell the truth to any of these questions. Sometimes I just love the way she looks and I certainly don’t want her to change out just because she is afraid of some would-be weirdo. But the main reason why I lie is so we can get going and not show up 1hour late to our destination, one outfit change equates to 1hour delay … pieux mensonge the situation and move out.
  3. Can you tell I’ve been gaining weight? …no need to explain this one
  4. My wife thought it would be okay to let my kids play with my garage tools. I come home one day and to my horror I see my youngest digging a hole with my Snap-on torque wrench!!!!!!!…ugggggggg…I was withholding a lot of information and comment that day. Is there anybody in the world that’s prepared to “handle the truth” after such gross negligence?
  5. Bought her a 1oz silver American eagle coin for Valentine’s Day and talked about its beauty and health benefit. I left out important reason…it had better resale value than flowers and candies. The resale feature didn’t seem appropriate and romantic for the moment…pieux mensonge.
  6. Wife asks if she looks better with long hair or short, I always say short. She thinks it’s odd because everybody else around her thinks she looks great with long hair. I lie about this because she looks gorgeous with her long flowing hair. But her long hair gets EVERYWHERE. It can cover the floors, counter, clean laundry, bathtubs, & sinks. If I tell the truth, she will never cut it short, ever.
  7. Wife and kids thought the Disney vacation was fun and we should do it again. I honestly hated it because of the crowd, heat, humidity, mosquitoes, & infinite distractions for our kids. It was difficult to hold everything inside of me because I knew I can potentially turn this $5k lovely family vacation into trip from hell if I opened up my mouth. I lied, “yeah it was good, glad everybody had a good time.”
  8. “Cleaning people are coming tomorrow, you have to come home early so you can help me clean.” Her cleaning crew means a lot to her so I’m not even going to tell her the truth about what I really think about the double cleaning duty.

As horrible as it might sound, I also lie to my kids, but my wife sure seems to get a kick out of it.lol

  1. “Daddy what is a penis?” This was an incident after a boy in his class got thrown out for repeatedly saying the word, ‘penis’. I explained to him that “pee-in-this” is not appropriate, that’s why the boy got thrown out. I asked my boys, “Where should you pee-in if you have to go?” and my smart boys responded with, “ the bathroom”
  2. If I’m spending over $100 to take the family to Thomas and Friends train park, I want everybody to have a good time. So when my boys said, “Daddy, that’s not real Thomas the train, his eyes are not moving and he is not talking”. I lie to them and say Thomas is simply sleeping with his eyes open. To that they ask, “then how can he move along the track?” to which I reply, “because he is sleeping, the driver has to drive him”

And my biggest pieux mensonge of all, Santa Claus and friends. The reason why I lie about these characters is because I love my cute little innocent kids do cute little innocent things in their innocent world. They will have plenty of opportunity to deal with hard truths and reality in few more years, so why not let them live a happy beautiful fairy-tale imagination that feel so real that you can almost touch it. It’s a whole new level of excitement when they believe some mythical characters could have been real, or is real. Their little eyes light up and their smile get so big you can see their missing tooth gap.lol

  1. “Is Santa Claus real?” “Yes, and he is planning on bringing you something very cool this year, too!” I lie on this topic because the trade-off is worth it. I have such beautiful memories of my kids staring out the window on Christmas Eve and listening in on their private conversation between the two of them. It’s something so adorable and innocent that it needs to be witnessed to fully appreciate. I also have memories where they try to stay up for Santa, and the incredible struggle to keep themselves up all night. You know when their heads sway side to side and eventually topple over.lol I will milk this Santa lie for as long as I can. Lately my oldest has been dealing with some pushback from other older boys in the neighborhood saying, Santa isn’t real. I sat my boy down and I said this to him, “there are people that believe in Santa and there are people that don’t believe in Santa” It’s something you should not argue over with friends but just know this, kids that believe in Santa clause always get one extra special present. Kids that don’t believe in Santa will always get one less. It’s your choice to believe in Santa or not believe in him. Yep, I lie through my teeth on this one.
  2. Older kids say leprechaun isn’t real: Sure they are, where do you think gold coins come from? To that they devise a plan to capture some of leprechaun‘s gold. Supposedly the young one will be the one distracting the leprechaun with his sno-cone machine, while the older one uses his red wagon to haul out the gold coins.lol
  3. Did fire breathing dragons exist? Sure they did, it was a very large pterodactyl that can breathe volatile chemical components from their snout or their mouth, similar to some other creatures that exists today that can project fiery chemical mix.

There is no doubt lying is bad under most circumstances. But there are certain things that are said, or purposely left out because you love someone. I would have no problem telling the 100% pure truth if I didn’t care about the individual. I don’t know about you folks, but I can’t just tell it like it is to people I deeply care about. I can’t imagine being happy with my life if I answered all those above examples with 100% truth. It would turn me into a grumpy, depressing, anti-social, & boring father and a husband. Grumpy old men are probably the best truth telling people around.
My closing for the peace treaty went something like this, which would you rather live with?
1. Grumpy, anti-social, angry man that always tells the truth and nothing but the truth
2. Happy, fun, social man full of loving pieux mensonge.

“Baby, I will pieux mensonge to you forever and ever because I love you”…that is HOT!

Categories: children, family, humor, wife

Quest for perfect Valentine gift

February 14, 2013 29 comments

 

Fabio valentine courtesy of Bing image

Fabio valentine courtesy of Bing image

Fabio has nothing on me when it comes to Valentine’s day.

I’ve been doing lots of R&D on the most ideal Valentine day gift which I would like to share.  Here are the boundary conditions that must be met in order for the gift to be considered ideal.

  1.  Shiny is good
  2. Smells good
  3. Tastes good
  4. Feels good
  5. Have good recycled value once the event is over
  6. Under $50

This is a pretty good check list because it applies to most of the classic gifts that exchanges hands during Valentine’s day.  Let’s think about the two classic choices, chocolate & roses.

Chocolate accomplishes items 2, 3, 4, &6 really well.  It barely passes condition#1 with its shiny laminated box, but it is a complete failure when it comes to accomplishing item #5.  Unless you are into natural fertilizer for your herb garden or into methane powered microprocessor robots, it turns into a complete waste once you are done with it.

Dozen roses, or flowers, are good too, it accomplishes items 2, 3, 4, & 6, but it falls short with the other two qualifiers.  It’s not shiny, but it does edge out Chocolate on item #5.  I think these stay alive for several days longer than it takes for a box of chocolates to be fully consumed and digested.

So the big question is this, IS THERE A PERFECT GIFT that nails ALL the conditions  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, & 6? I think I may have found it…a silver bullion/coin is the perfect valentine gift; a full 1oz silver American eagle coin is the answer.  Let’s review,

It is very shiny…check

Pure silver smells pretty good…check

Pure silver tastes pretty good and possibly good for your health, too.  You can also take advantage of silver’s anti bacteria property by leaving the silver coin in your favorite drinking cup…check

Feels good: come on, who doesn’t feel good holding a giant silver coin…check

Have good recycled value: I think I read somewhere silver has gained over 600% in the last 20years.  Plus it can be handed down to your kids/grandkids.

Under $50: it’s at $37.87, YAY!

I’m heading over to a pawn shop to pickup the perfect Valentine gift, how about you?

Happy Valentine’s day everybody 🙂

Categories: family, humor, wife

Blogger recognition – all rolled up

February 8, 2013 72 comments

9911fan Blog of the Year Award 2 star jpeg Blog of the Year Award 1 star jpeg Blog of the Year Award 3 star jpeg moonbeam the-sunshine-award

Getting a WordPress endorsed nomination is great for obvious reasons.  But I also take huge pride in getting my blog recognized by any blogger that thinks I’m, at minimum, a descent blogger.  And then there is a fan recognition where I am recognized as one of the notable followers.  All these are personal, thoughtful, and its like a virtual ‘pat on the shoulder’.  You folks are magnificent and I want to let you know I am so thankful for every mention and recognition you give me.

I’m going to start this ceremony with the best recognition I have ever gotten in my little blogging career.

Purpleowltree1234 gave me this personal, custom, hand-crafted #1 fan award, and this was my initial reaction back to her and her team.
“I……LOOOOOOVE…..THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This is the nicest thing any blogger friend has done for me. “

There is nothing that makes you more welcome in someone else’s blog home than entering with your shiny #1fan award badge.lol  I like to read about hardship and how people overcome tribulations;  Rach is living through perpetual tribulations.  I follow her blog very closely because she needs to succeed.  Not only for her own sake, but I think she has a much greater calling to help out many many more who are suffering every day, with no end in sight.  She is one of the warmest friendliest people you will meet, she is also one of the most creative people you will ever meet.  Great thanks to Rach and her team, I now have new appreciation for copics.lol

Its fair to say, this is going to be sitting on the highest position in my blog mantle column!

Science and space inspired Sunshine blogger award from astronomy science

Moonbeam Mcqueen awarded me with her book, it’s a wonderful short read from an intelligent odd-funny-creative writer 🙂

Reconstructingchristina somehow got hold of a video of me back when I was in college, and she put it up on her website and gave me the recognition.lol

Terry with 2012 blogger award, 1

Nutsfortreasure recognized me for blogger 2012 #2.  Big rig truck driver, nature lover, and a blogger.  Lots of great stories and pictures here.  This is a real personal story that has some contrast to all the awesome pictures.

Terry1954 recognized me for Blogger 2012, 3

http://terry1954.wordpress.com/author/terry1954/

Oh and the person that sent me the get well e-card during my 2012 3month absence.  Thanks and good guess on being sick, I came down with poison ivy and it was a mess!  Please send me your blog address so I can appropriately link it here.

I’m sending out my bundled re-recognitions to all the people mentioned above as well as these folks below.

1. Russell Deasley: my wife and I like to visit his website for cheap alternative to Friday date night. All his “top 10 lists” are well thought out and researched, you will find yourself spending lot of time in his website. You’ll see why here, http://theverybesttop10.com/2013/01/03/pizza-cutters/

2. greeneyesmom: If you are a fan of art, humor, & interaction you have to start following this blogger. Check out her artwork and this analysis on why women go to bathroom in herd, rather than individually.

3. BadPlaydate: she loves her children and her employees.lol. Check it out because its funny, its got kids, and all the craziness that’s associated with parenting.

4. Sarin another fun international friend, but this one is out of Pakistan…cool.:

5. lexiesnana : can you tell I love blogs on family and kids. Well, this is about grandkids and wonderful grandparents.

6. Blue Giraffe image: he is well on his way to using his creativity and hobby in photography to have little fun and make extra money. Please go congratulate him on his first 3sales and his awesome new car. He says he bought it from the insurance money, but I think his photo sales has been better than he is telling the readers.lol

7. Cristi M: this guy recently achieved over 300,000 hits on his website!! Always inspirational

8. Pennycoho: http://thewhyaboutthis.com/2013/02/06/my-own-photography/ a wise owl and a sensei. This one is easy, just click on her link on the left, hit the follow button on her page, and thank me later.

9. Writestar: Along cam Alligator: recently wrote a piece about losing his wife and it makes you realize how precious marriage is. Thanks Stan

11. Aewl This is where he puts down his material, its very original and its simply whats on his mind.

12. Cometojesusmoments: who can’t use little bit of Jesus every now and then. He has great sense of humor and offers great feedback on a any given topic.

13. Peakperspect: an obvious dog lover. Would you believe his dog’s ears perk up at the moment someone thinks the word ‘bacon’ lol. I had good laugh on that one.

14. Star on the forehead: a super blogger with a super star on her forehead, just like wonderwoman. Fellas, you need to try this experiment. Put on a santa suit and offer to fix her flat tire 🙂

15. You jiving me turkey: great photos. If you are interested in who would win between the Marvel’s Incredible hulk vs. DC’s doomsday

16. Charmaine Gordon: wonderful author & a loving grandmother with life stories that will capture your imagination

17. Ounitproduction: lots of great photos here with things that will make you go hmmm.

18. Persecutionofmildreddunlap:Her husband started his blog career on my site and ended it on my site, too

19. Xo-ortiz: opinionated, kind hearted, and loves her car

20. Cultfit:I know he can be stealthy, but he is out there…

21. Veronicaesiste:Beautiful young lady with big personality and a humongous heart. Why can’t our youth be more like her?

22. H.stern:Just trying to survive out there like the rest of us

23. Justwriteaway: lots of great quotes can be found here.

And of course… Serene scribe, yibei, Stephenedwards425, cookiemom, & fela

Thank you all for your creativeness, inspirations, amazing photos, and support.

Categories: awards

Hippo Christmas song and Brenda Lee

December 10, 2012 36 comments

Going to start off by saying, Gangnam style song has NOTHING on these two songs I’m going to talk about!

My last music related blog was about Guns N Roses, so I thought it’s time to do another music blog.  There are couple of songs that’s been humming in my brain for some time now, its the holidays, and you can say these are couple of my favorite things 🙂

I’ve been listening to lots of Christmas tunes lately and there is one song that’s an absolute smash hit with my two little boys. Song is called ‘I want a hippopotamus for Christmas’. It makes me laugh just reading the title. Every time this song plays on the radio, we all sing along to it and we also add our own little twist to it.

My version: replace all the “I” with “My naughty boys” and replace all “hippopotamus” with “lump of coal”

My boys’ version: replace all hippopotamus with any Thomas&friends stuff, T-rex, Rhinoceros, Ninjago, etc…

Just how powerful is this holiday song? My boys could, once again, easily destroy another one of my electronic gadgets in an accident, but if the song comes on, I can’t help but to smile and sing the coal version of the song!

Some people think the hippo song was sung by Shirley Temple, or that it was sung by a much older person pretending to be a kid.  The truth is, the song was recorded on the set of Ed Sullivan show in 1953 by an amazing 10yr old talent named Gayla Peevey. Check out the video and tell me you are not impressed by her spunk, & talent. Love the song and love the video.

Now that brings us to “Sweet Nothings” by Brenda Lee. I know I’m probably sounding like a senior citizen raving about all these golden oldies, but when quality is involved, there is no age gap! Brenda Lee is one of my all time favorite artists and this is my favorite song from her. It’s hard to go back to listening to the modern stuff after listening to this type of music. I love her voice and her stage presentation. Wish I could have seen this performance live…so simple…so mellow.

How about you folks? Care to share some of your favorite things? 🙂

Categories: children, family, humor, music

Wanted Caddyshack DVD but ended up with a lab microscope instead

September 23, 2012 31 comments

This sums it up

Here is a quick summary paragraph if you don’t care about all the details.  This blog is about how I ended up purchasing a super discounted lab grade microscope because a blogger reminded me how badly I wanted to watch Caddyshack (popular 80s movie).

My incident with sale sites such as Ebay and Amazon is legendary, when my wife is out of town.  Those that follow my blog probably know about my 1973 Swedish military truck purchase and the carbon fiber wheelset purchase.   Yesterday started out innocent enough.  My wife is out of town and I’m out of town with my 2 boys, for a nice quiet weekend getaway.  Earlier in the week, I started having conversation over some 80’s movies.  It’s really hard to stop an 80’s discussion when it was such a nostalgic period for me.  Long story short, the conversation concluded with an urgency and a burning need to watch Caddyshack, ASAP.

My quest started with my local RedBox movie rental box on the way to the vacation…unfortunately, Caddyshack was not available.

I also checked the local grocery store near the hotel.  Luckily, they were having a big sale on all the old DVD movies! But, unfortunately, no Caddyshack showed up even after about 45minutes of probing and flipping through bottomless pit of old unwanted DVDs.  By then my two little boys were pissed at me for wasting their pool time…lol.  No biggie, I can always sign up for Hulu or Netflix and watch it when kids go down for bed…so I thought.

Kids had a wonderful pool time, fried chicken dinner, and ice-creamy (that what they call a good tasting ice cream).  Woo hoo, they went to bed and it was my time to fly!

I rush to get the laptop and my headset, lunge into my comfy bed, and I start putting all the pillows together to build a man-throne, I was set!

hurry…quickly…hulu+[cntrl & enter]…sign up for membership…search Caddyshack.  Damn! They only had trailers of the movie!

hurry…quickly…netflix+[cntrl & enter]…sign up for membership…search Caddyshack.  Double damn!! Bunch of golf swing videos and no Caddyshack the movie!

On to Bing search for ‘watch Caddyshack movie’.  Among all the questionable sites and torrents, I see a one result that was simply heavenly.  Amazon.com came up, I clicked on it, and sure enough they have streaming service, too!  Lucky me I am already a long time Amazon member, and $2.99 for 48hour streaming rental was very reasonable.

Everything was all downhill after that.  Time was 10:30pm and I figure I’ll just peruse through their deal page for few minutes.

Folks let me tell you about the deal they had on Amazon…it was a $1200 microscope that was on sale at over 80% off!  I had a few thoughts,

  1.  I didn’t know a microscope was so expensive
  2. I bet it will be fun to see what is in my drinking water
  3. I better buy it before it sells out

Followed by reasoning phase,

  1.  Why do I need a professional level microscope when a professional level water analysis is only $20?
  2. It’s huge and weights over 10lbs, where can I put it?
  3. What would the wife say when she finds out?

And lastly, the justification phase,

  1.  I need it because it can do more than just look at drinking water.  Maybe I can find a cure for certain blood disorder, or at least look at a fish tail when it gets ich disease.
  2. Well…we do have the dining room that never gets used.  I can probably put it on the corner of the table and nobody would even know it’s there.
  3. Maybe she’ll be proud I’m making positive progress buying things on Amazon and Ebay.  It’s probably better than the old 1973 Swedish military vehicle and all the carbon fiber goodies for my bicycle.  Microscope is educational and maybe it will encourage our boys to become a brain surgeon or a neuro-scientist, because their daddy took the heat for the microscope and stood up for their future! [insert ‘U.S.A…U.S.A’ chant here]

It was about 12am by the time the microscope was in the shopping cart and I’m thoroughly going through every single review on the scope.  I was really hoping to find the one comment that would explain why this thing was 83% off and why I need to back out of the deal.  Every reviewer was in full agreement that this scope does EVERYTHING.

The biggest coincident occurred when I got a reply comment from the same blogger that basically paved the way for me to get this microscope, reply comment came as I was putting my credit card info in the checkout box.  I had a chuckle with her explanation for this purchase on a whim,

‘THE ultimate man reason…. “because it was on sale” hahaha doesn’t matter WHAT it is….’

Christina is a wonderful blogger and she loves her Caddyshack and Spaceballs.  Check out her blogsite @

http://reconstructingchristina.com/

She asked if I saw the movie yet and it dawned on me, it was now about 1am and I was SUPPOSE to watch Caddyshack hours ago!  All I wanted to do for the evening was purchase the Caddyshack rental for $2.99, but somehow I ended up with a Lab LED Binocular Compound Microscope with Double Layer Mechanical Stage.

You guys are probably thinking the exact same thing I’m thinking right now; there is something wrong with this society when it’s so much easier to buy a lab grade microscope over one of the greatest comedy movies of all time…lol

My road trip back home should be interesting.  I have to train the boys to say the “right” thing. Three of us need to have a consistent story when mommy finds out whats in that brown smiley box from Amazon.  I will also make my wife a nice soothing Lipton tea, when the box arrives.  Did I mention I bundled the Lipton purchase with my microscope purchase?  144count tea bags for $3.99, it was 79% off 🙂

Not losing any more focus, this weekend isn’t over yet, and I will watch Caddyshack this evening!

Categories: children, family, humor, wife

Pays to look like a woman when you are a woman

September 10, 2012 36 comments

One of the sports I follow very closely is a sport of MMA (mixed martial art), so when I hear Ken Shamrock in the news I was excited.  There is just two things you need to know about Mr. Shamrock 1) his ring name is “World’s most dangerous man”, well, he used to be.  2) He is a formal heavyweight champion of the UFC and Pancrase.  In other words, you do not want to mug this guy no matter how desperate you are.

So Ken is walking down the street minding his own business when he spots a damsel getting assaulted.  He goes in to break up the fight when he gets jumped from behind by a heavyset man.  The guy that jumped him probably didn’t realize Ken was a professional fighter because Ken basically man-handled him and “incapacitated” the heavyset guy.

It isn’t until one of the spectators yell out, “Ken, you just hit a girl!”  Upon closer look, indeed, he was a she…Ken immediately backed off.  He later apologized and said, “It was an honest mistake”.  I sure hope Ken doesn’t lose his house over this incident 😦

Here is the link to the news article,

http://www.tmz.com/2012/08/23/ken-shamrock-fight-mall-attack-woman-ufc/#ixzz24QXJkZfG

Categories: humor

Strange observation this morning

August 16, 2012 60 comments

courtesy of Bing imagecourtesy of Bing image

I’m getting my donut and coffee this morning at Dunkin Donuts when I notice something you don’t see every day.  A lady in semi clothed swimsuit pulls up in her min-van, greets a guy, and they both get in his Maserati.  Her vehicle was an older beatup looking red Dodge Caravan, probably worth about $4,000.  His car was a newer looking Maserati GranTurismo, probably worth about $150,000.

Now I can be as male chauvinistic as the next guy, but I thought this was quite unjust.  Guys, I know we can be such a selfish cheap bastard sometimes, but you got to take care of your matriarch.  If you can afford to drive a $150,000 sports car, at least get your wife a top-of-the-line Odyssey or Sienna!  Don’t be such a penny-pincher when you can afford not to be!  I know I should not judge people and maybe I should simply assume the Dodge is their beater car while HER Maserati is in a repair shop, but I find that scenario hard to believe.  Other than that, donut and coffee was pretty good 🙂

Categories: auto, humor, wife

Why the heck am I blogging anyway?

August 10, 2012 84 comments

See this little picture here? It’s a figure of my blog traffic for this week.  You would think most bloggers would give me a “gratz” for the one peak you see there.  Unfortunately, that one peak is basically somebody flipping me the bird…lol.  I’ve been sparsely blogging for about 6 months, and I’ve received about 10-12 personal emails that range anything from weird, graphical, odd, beautiful, & inspirational.  BUT….I’ve also received some negative emails, too.  It’s not the occurrence of the negative emails that’s got me thinking, it’s the pattern of the occurrence.

I was at a ball park on the evening when I had a spike in my blog traffic.  I’m standing in line to purchase some beer and pretzels when I notice the spike.  At that moment I’m thinking, “Oh damn, what did I do now…”  And sure enough, about 25minutes later, I get the negative email in my account.  The email was very valid and I could see the point the emailer was making.  But at the same time it was a gross misinterpretation of my comment that caused the misunderstanding.  It’s amazing how differently a short comment can be interpreted if read in a wrong chronological order with a “glass is half empty” attitude.  Anyway, I did reach out with an olive branch and I left it at that.  The stuff I don’t understand is why a traffic spike is always associated with a negative email.  Does this happen to anybody else?

I’ve had 3 spikes like this, and they were all followed by 3 sets of negative emails, it never fails.  So, naturally, this event made me think about what I am doing in the blogging world.  Am I here to make someone’s life little sadder? Am I here to get rich? Am I here because I have nothing better to do with my time? Am I here because I’m an aspiring writer? Answers are no, no, no, and heck no.

I realized the reason why I’m here is to invest my time in people.  You hear the phrase, “there is something to be learned from every individual” It is so true!  It makes me feel like a human again, I want to look forward to what others look forward to, and feel the excitement when a fellow blogger achieves something.  All these feelings are things I would normally never experience, but it’s a human experience that makes me a better more fulfilled person.  I know that last sentence sounds cliché, so let me explain it better with some examples.  Here are my reasons to why I stay involved in this blogging world:

  • There is an individual that is about to lose his/her home, and potentially become homeless.  I want to see this person get back to stability and re-establish his/her life
  • Special someone working hard in the Carolina in which a novice writer, like me, cannot describe in words how awesome she is, but she is such a beautiful person inside and out.  I want to see her land a wonderful life-changing job or maybe marry a self-made millionaire from a guy from Isle of Man.  Why? Because there is no studdlier place than Isle of Man, that is man’s man coming out of that place!
  • Another beautiful person that’s currently living with 20+ roommates and has to get along with every single one of them.  Worst part is, they only have 1 car to share amongst them.  This person is in survival mode right now, and I pray every day this person stays alive.  Wouldn’t it be amazing if this person does survive and ends up saving lives of 1000s others who were also brutally abused and traumatized as a child?
  • That customer no service guy…lol.  This guy is such a f’in ass, but he sure has some funny stuff.  You often hear that your job affects your personality.  Can you really blame him for his personality when you are dealing with customer complaints every day? Lol.  I want to see what happens to him if he lands a different job, a better job.  Can people change their outlook in life with a different career? I want to see it.
  • Couple of young folks that I follow.  They are bright and energetic with bottomless dreams.  I want to see them grow up, get married, and write about their little children.  I want to be the uncle9911 that showers them with toys and candies and go around telling them to pull my finger…lol.   Okay that’s little creepy, but you get the idea.
  • Handful of aspiring writers waiting to release their first publication.  You better believe I’ll be in full support mode once it does get released.
  • Handful of accomplished writers.  I want to eventually read all their books.  How cool is it to read somebody’s book while understanding them at a personal level via personal blog?  And that guy who ran across America.  What did he learn, what did he see, what made him get up every day to do this crazy thing.  I’m hoping to collect these books and maybe score some complementary autograph!
  • All those single people.  They seem to have so much give, just waiting to share them with the right person.  Who isn’t a sucker for a good romantic ending?  I’ll pop a Champaign with every one of you that finds your life mate 🙂

I blog because I want to be in the middle of the action!  Its one thing to be a spectator and simply read blogs, it’s a whole new experience when you are “in the circle” and interacting with all the fellow humans 🙂

I also want to apologize to some of you for my misinterpreted comments…Can I blame it on my inner city public school education for it? It was a really bad education and I was more focused on not getting beat up than studying 😦

Categories: humor

Hide your women and children

August 2, 2012 66 comments

Figure 1 (courtesy of Bing image)

Figure 2 (courtesy of bing image)

I have a fellow bloggers that are in their youthful & prime 40s&50s and it’s always intriguing why they say they want a good man but yet they cannot find one.  I just assumed these ladies have too high of a standard and unreal expectations.  After all, good men are everywhere, aren’t they?  I think I’m a good guy, all my buddies are good guys, all the spouses of my wife’s friends are good guys…what is the problem? They are everywhere.  What’s wrong with these single women who can’t seem to find the right one?

My blog is actually a Part 2 to this person’s blog.  My response was getting too long and I didn’t want to massacre her page any more than what I’ve already done…lol

http://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/welcome-to-my-e-harmony-profile/

The only possible red flag I see is the line, “… I try to go to Brazil twice a year to see them(family). I hope that my partner will come with me.” because it seems to imply she wants her date to come visit her MOTHER, FATHER, & rest of her family in Brazil.  Some guys flee at the thought of hanging out with the “in-laws”, some may not.  But still, it’s no reason why there is virtually no interest in this genuine and honest profile.

Star is currently among my top 5favorite Brazilians: Anderson Silva, Lyota Machida, Wandeli Silva, Vitor Belfort, & this blogger who claims she does NOT have any birthmark on her forehead.  I read her blog and my automatic reaction was, “oh boy, we got another one here with high standards, it’s not that she doesn’t have suitors, she is probably rejecting every single one of them”…lol.  Is it really possible for a beautiful Brazilian woman to struggle so much to find a good date?  What if she just lowered her standards?

Most people that read my blog are also aware of my friend, Big Ben.  My friends and I want him married ASAP because we want him to hang out with us when we plan big family trips to Sesame place, Crayola Factory, Great wolf lodge, etc.  Ben wants to hang out with us on weekends, we want to hang out with him on weekends, but it can be very awkward with presence of a lone middle aged 6’3” single guy hanging out in these family venues.  He needs to get married ASAP, get some kids of his own, and we can all hang out.  After getting few feedbacks from my fellow bloggers, I am faced with a reality that big Ben might not be “normal”.  The one last saving grace is, normal to what?  I think it should be graded on a curve.

So I went off and did some data collection to answer two questions:

  1.  Do middle aged mature adult slightly-seasoned women have a real challenge when it comes to finding a “good” man?
  2. Is Ben normal?

Following table lists all the data points I collected, with some help from Larry and Moe.  All the sampling data was collected in my work campus.

  1.  Sample1: He is a recent divorcee and a roommate to Ben.  He is an electrical engineer by day and a full time video gamer by night.  He is currently fighting evil in nightmare mode of Diablo3
  2. Sample2: His wife recently left him and she moved back to Texas.  He is the 2nd roommate of Ben and is also an electrical engineer by day and a video gamer by night.  He is also currently battling ghouls & zombies in nightmare mode of Diablo3
  3. Sample3: Big Ben (man that needs no introduction).  Also a gamer playing Diablo3
  4. Sample4: He is a director of one of the engineering branches here.  He wears flip/flops to work, has untrimmed toe nails, and plays video game called Eve online, ALL day and night.
  5. Sample5: looks really normal from top to his shin.  He goes above and beyond logic and practicality.  He is a perfectly healthy, in low 40s, but wears orthopedic shoes (figure1)! He reasons it’s very comfortable and the Velcro make it easy to get in/out of.  He takes it as a complement when somebody says, “Hey, those shoes look RIDICULOUSLY comfortable”
  6. Sample6: Another perfectly normal looking guy, until he becomes Bruce Lee in a team meetings (figure2).  He twirls nunchuks in the back of the room, while we are going over reports and figures…
  7. Sample7: Comes in drunk every Monday morning, has his driver’s license revoked for DWI, & lives with his parents
  8. Sample8: has been eating nothing but peanut butter&jelly sandwich for last 20years at work.  He doesn’t talk much either.
  9. Sample9: He is depressed, has very low self esteem, alcoholic, and grossly overweight.
  10. Sample10: He is very fashionable and wears interesting looking top hat every day.  His perfectly manicured finger nail says it all.
  11. Sample11: sex addict level1: All he talks about is sex, it’s near impossible to have any regular conversation with him.
  12. Sample12: sex addict level2: This person works in the deepest darkest “dungeon” of my building.  He works down there alone and he does his own thing.  On his desk, he has pictures of himself with what seems to be a stripper; his hands are “covering” her mammary glands.  His screensaver has similar theme.
  13. Sample13: sex addict level3: Group of colleagues would be having an interesting conversation, when all of a sudden, a nice looking woman walks by.  He completely shuts off from the conversation; he turns around to check out her behind, he tilts his head to almost horizontal, and drools.  I have personally witnessed the drooling from this man.
  14. Sample14: He works in the manufacturing building.  He is very confident and does excellent job with all our hardware.  He is a stud, athletic, loves sports, drives a Jeep Wrangler, and has no trouble finding dates.  In fact, women are lined up every weekend to go out with this guy!  His only issue is he belongs on a very special peer generated list.  The list is titled, “top 10 most likely people that will go postal”.  It’s meant to be kind of funny but there is definitely some bit of truth to it.  He definitely has some kind of emotional problem and sometimes on the verge of just “exploding”.
  15. Sample15: Another guy that has no problem getting dates.  He has been married at least 3times & has about 7 kids that he knows of, by different women.
  16. Sample16: He has pretty good success of finding dates, but he is piss poor from buying them lavish gifts.  He is another one that lives with his parents.
  17. Sample17: He is located in my building and is his early 40’s.  Smart, good looking, & he just broke off his engagement with his longtime girlfriend, actually his girlfriend broke it off.  He wanted to have an “open” style marriage where you are permitted to cheat, with permission.  His fiancé freaked out and said no-way.  He also has this mentality that if he buys dinner, then the date has to go all the way with him.  Really? This is the current standard?

I was disappointed that I couldn’t find anyone that was worthy to marry my fictitous daughter.  Actually, I take that back, I would consider all the video game guys :), they remind too much of myself…lol

In closing I would like to say the following:

To all you single mature slightly-seasoned adult ladies looking for mature adult men:

Unless you like video gamers, it looks really bad.  I really tried to look for a good prospect to even out the result, but it was just one bad sampling after another.  Probability does not look good and I can see why you are having such a hard time finding a keeper.  Good luck finding the one needle in a haystack, and best of luck avoiding those professional daters.  I can seriously see how adopting a pet and living alone would be MUCH better choice than being with some of the said guys from the table.

To all you married folks who are considering cheating on your current spouse for reason other than abuse:

Idea might be tempting and grass might look so green on the other side.  But that patch of grass might only be a sod, as soon as you lift it up you may not like what you see.  It’s a HUGE gamble and odds are well stacked against you.  Fights over money, kids, nagging, dirty dishes, leaving dirty laundry on the floor, toilet seat lid is nothing compared to what’s out there.  Try to forgive & forget and just try to remember back to why you married him/her in the first place 🙂

To all you lucky husbands out there…lol.  You may want to present the data to you wife and tell her she should be so lucky….lol.  I know I will 🙂  Ummm, actually, you better not, you’ll get your ass beat.

Last but not least, big Ben is looking pretty normal to me 🙂

Categories: family, humor

40 year old virgin (part 2)

July 27, 2012 46 comments
courtesy of Bing images

courtesy of Bing images

Not going into details about Big Ben on this one because it’s been done in part 1 of the story here,

https://chris9911.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/40yearoldvirgin/

I got into a pretty good conversation with a fellow cool blogger and we ended up talking about Big Ben.  Yes, he still is a virgin; just want to get that out of the way first.  My other buddies and I have done a lot since my last post, to get him more prepared for the real world and real expectations from normal women.  For example, our biggest task is to convince Ben to lose his virginity.  It is becoming clearer that it’s a liability/red flag and not an asset.  Some may say it’s downright creepy rather than something admirable, for a man of his age.  At least we convinced him not to say anything about his virginity when he is out on a date, so we are making some progress.

That’s a quick update on his life, now let’s get to his most recent incident where friends tried to help, but it ended up causing nothing but grief and stress for everybody  😦

It was a lovely day, and best of all, it was lunch time!  I needed to go to the DMV (department of motor vehicles), so we decided to eat at a noodle bowl restaurant that was directly across the DMV.  It’s a shitty DMV and it’s always annoying to find a good clean seat to sit on.  It seems to be a cesspool of coughing/sneezing people, bad B.O., greasy hair, etc…  I finally find a good seat to sit on and I’m minding my own business waiting for my number to come up.  I didn’t have to wait long before somebody decides to sit RIGHT FREAKIN next to me!!  Big Ben actually does this to lone woman, he and I had a pretty lively argument about it.  Anyway, back to DMV.  I guess I lucked out because this person that sat next to me was clean, healthy, well groomed, and passed the smell test.  So back to minding my own business when all of a sudden, she starts talking to me.  First line out of her mouth, “<sigh>…..I feel so lonely…”   At this point I’m trying to pretend I didn’t hear her, and praying she doesn’t start sobbing.  She then follows up with, “do you know of any good man, sir?”  Adding a “sir” in the end was a good thing, because I do like friendly respectful people.  We start talking about her current situation and her ex-boyfriend that treated her like crap(surprise, surprise..).  Just when I thought I was done talking to her, she still follows up with, do you know of any good man?  Right then, I knew instantly what this was all about!  Of course, it was meant to be!  I told her to hold that thought while I pulled out my cell phone to start texting a very special friend of mine, Big Ben!  Texting went something like this:

Me:     still single?

Ben:  yeah 😦

Me: want a date?

Ben: yeah, what is she like?

Me: well, she is not a doctor, nurse, or a lawyer.  I think she is an English teacher.

Ben: is she good looking?

Me: she isn’t ugly

Ben: K, when does she want to go out?

Me:   Now!   Go do something about your uni-brow, we’ll be there in 15min

Ben: okay

So it was turning out to be a special day.  From everything I can tell, she seemed like a good fit for Ben.  They instantly hit it off.  They were laughing, they were loud, and it was good to see Ben acting so lively.  Ben was in total control of the conversation and he was really worked up…lol.  The momentum was strong and he actually asked her out on a date, BUT….

He freakin drags us into it!  What the hell was he thinking? He goes on and on about kayaking, tells her there is an extra kayak for her to use, and tells her we’ll ALL be there and how awesome it will be.  What the hell is he talking about???!!!  I barely have time to do anything on a weekend and I’m certainly not spending my free time with Ben, especially when my wife is complaining I don’t do enough with the family, and Ben knows this.  Unfortunately for Ben, rest of us is married with kids!! Did he forget this important fact?

Sadly, Ben did not stop with the kayak date invitation 😦 He gets this bright idea to exchange everybody’s phone number…WHAT THE HELL???!!!   It was such an awkward situation where Ben is volunteering all this sensitive information.  Everybody, except for Ben, knew this was weird but we all ended up putting our phone number down on a piece of napkin anyway 😦

I found out two things from this situation.  1.  Turns out I’m actually smarter than these average bears, that I call friends, because I wrote down Ben’s home number…lol.  2.  Ben can be a freakin idiot sometimes.

For next couple of days, everybody was nervous she would call.  Larry took it very hard, he was so nervous that he didn’t sleep for these several days.  He was so scared the teacher would call and his wife would find out it was a woman.  This is probably every husband’s nightmare, a stupid misunderstanding that leads to accusation 😦  I know Larry is a good man, but he can be pretty dramatic in some situations.  By the 3rd day of no sleep, Larry actually did something that was drastic…lol.  He called up the teacher and told her to delete and forget his phone number.  As funny as that may sound, Larry slept like a baby that night…lol

Soooo, let’s see, who else was nervous about the prospect of getting a phone call from this teacher. Answer, Mr. Big mouth himself, Mr. Big Ben.  He was beyond nervous and was in total panic!  He was panicking because he committed to something that he wasn’t comfortable doing.  No, he is not afraid of Kayaking, he was afraid of being involved with the teacher!

We got together to discuss Ben’s problem and it was more perplexing than calculating a 6×6 mathematical matrix with pen and paper.  This was Ben’s explanation why he didn’t want to be with her:

  1. She had a small tattoo (fyi: it was NOT a “ tramp stamp” in the lower back)
  2. Her cleavage was showing
  3. Didn’t like the idea of dating a stray from DMV
  4. And last but not least, he said his mother wouldn’t approve.

I’m starting to lose hope for Ben because I don’t think it’s possible to work around his boundary conditions.  Grown man needing mother’s approval to date?…<sigh>

Ben also did something drastic once sleep deprivation became unbearable.  He, too, called the teacher and said this, and I’m quoting this EXACTLY, “I cannot have you in my circle of friends”

I guarantee this teacher will probably never want to date an engineer or a scientist for as long as she is alive.

I don’t go to that specific DMV anymore, because I have a phobia to an angry or emotional woman; I hope I never run into that teacher.  I also do pray she is doing well, and I feel terrible for the grief I may have caused.  So I do have a lesson learned from this.  BIG BEN IS ON HIS OWN.

Categories: family, humor

Sausagefest over this person/machine (TDF celebration part2)

July 14, 2012 57 comments
Figure 1

Figure 1 (courtesy of Jenny Fletcher pro-triathlete)

For those that just fell off the turnip truck, world’s greatest sporting event is in full swing and it’s nearly over 😦  Yes, I am talking about the Tour de France!  What better way to celebrate than with a blog related to cycling?

There is an English slang word, “sausagefest”.  What is the definition of sausagefest, you ask? I’m not talking about the kind you experience at local state fair but it’s of something more…umm…anomalistic.  Since Mr. Webster has decided it’s not worthy of his dictionary, I will have to define it for the public.  Definition of sausage fest:

sau-sage-fest” n: An odd phenomenon that describes plurality of modern male Homo sapiens to particular location in mass.  This strange gathering is usually triggered by some sort or stimulant that seems to disrupt the homeostasis by erratic discharge of testosterone of the affected subject.  Possible known stimulants are: 1. anything that involves torque/horsepower, 2. Anything that explodes, 3. anything with wheels 3. Female subject or equivalent.  Such fantastic congregation ends up overwhelming female participant(s) within the group.  The event usually ends with no resolution and no satisfaction by all parties involved.

My wife and I are part of a weekly bicycle ride group in our area.  It’s a fairly large group consisting of 40-50 riders, predominantly male riders.  On this one particular day, we had a new member that rolled up in a STUNNINGLY gorgeous $8k (MSRP) fully decked out Orbea Ordu Time Trial bike.  The cyclist just so happened to be a really pretty young lady probably in her 20s or early 30s.  Please refer to Figure 1 for reference on the rider and the time trial bike.  She was also seriously decked out with a matching aerodynamic body suit and all the bells and whistles.  It was unfortunate she showed up for the ride by herself and no wedding ring on.  I say unfortunate because the event that happened next is something I don’t even wish on my worst enemy 😦

Can you say, “Release the Kraken” or “open the floodgate”?  It was a sausagefest of the millennium!  I’ve never seen such blatantly obvious ploy/tactic/excuse to meet the new member like that.  I counted about 9-10 isolated cyclists around the parking lot and one giant hive of cyclists around this one particular area.  You could not see the new rider, it was that dense!

My wife made a comment about how stupid they all look…lol.  Apparently she has never witnessed a sausagefest of this kind of epic proportion.  I simply told her that our overly friendly bike group is just trying to be helpful to the new rider and probably just making her feel welcome.  Most of them were trying to talk over each other and you can hear some of the ridiculous comments coming from the hive.  Comments ranged anything from the weather, road course, bicycle tune-up, proper setup of the bike, etc…  I think every single one of them offered free tune-up of her bicycle…lol.  It was obvious they were not thinking with the correct brain, because:

  1. It was picture perfect weather.  70degree F, no wind, and not a cloud in sight.
  2. Road course? It was obvious she came equipped with a bike gps with all the turn by turn programmed in.
  3. Bike tune-up? A person with an $8k bike will have her own mechanic that she trusts.  You do not trust any bloke mechanic that you just met at a parking lot.
  4. Bike setup? A bike shop that sells you the $8k bike will not let you out until it is professionally setup, usually takes hours under close video analysis.

The new girl handled it with great personality.  If anybody was touching/groping my bike like that, you better believe there will be some fists flying!

Anyway, while all that was going on I also realized there was another “forgotten” new rider in the parking lot.  Rider was a she, and ironically she also came alone and without a wedding ring.  I actually noticed her front wheel wasn’t on properly.  So I went over there to introduce myself & reassured her that I used to be a bicycle mechanic, before working on her bike.  The lady was a postal worker in her mid 40s and her bike was pretty old, it had been in storage for 15+ years!  I lifted the front end of her bike and smacked the top of her front wheel, the wheel popped off with ease.  She was very thankful that I caught the problem and offered to pay for my service.  She made one funny comment that made me laugh.  She said, “Well I’m glad she (referring to new girl#1) didn’t need all the bike mechanics from this group today…lol”

I looked at my wife and I thanked her for marrying me, thus saving me from such embarrassment.  I like to think I am better than all those guys participating in the sausagefest, but who knows?  I could have been the loudest one making the biggest fool of myself…lol  I was just so glad I wasn’t part of that and I have my wife to thank 🙂

In case you are wondering about the new girl, we never saw her again after that ride…lol

Categories: bicycle, family, humor, wife

horrid memory into funny memory in less than 1year (part 1)

May 16, 2012 49 comments

This conversation came up during our lunch time w/ Larry, Moe, Curly, & Shemp.  We are scientist, scientist, engineer, & engineer, respectively.  I point this out because it’s amazing what kind of stupid discussion we can have, given the education level.  It goes to show you that education does not make you smarter…lol.  We are all married with two kids, except Shemp.

We decided to do some manly offroading with our trucks.  I have a Jeep Cherokee, Larry has a Toyota FJ, and Moe has a Honda Ridgeline.  Place we went is called Rausch Creek Off road park in PA.  This is the real deal, nothing but sea of lifted rock crawlers and jeeps.  Everybody had fun except for the Ridgeline guy.  We had to winch him out of the park.  He damaged his transmission for sure.  Thick smell of roasted transmission oil was a sure sign it needed overhauling. 

Once we got out, we were all pleased with our capable 4x4s, minus Moe.  We operate in a buddy system.  Larry and I barraged Moe with reasons and justifications why he NEEDS to get a different vehicle, a real truck, a man’s truck!  This kind of pressuring by close friends worked! He found enough strength and bravery to face his wife.  Before I continue further, I need to fill you in on his wife.  She is a mean, large, and in charge.  Whatever she says goes, there are no if/and/buts.  If she wants a rabbit, you pick one up by next day.  If she wants a bird, you pick up the complete kit.  If she wants a dog, you pay whatever it costs to get the one that she wants.  If she wants a cat, you say yes ma’am and shut up.  Moe doesn’t have anything left for a backbone, it’s just cartilage. 

Being good friends we are, we told him to stand up to his wife and demand that he be allowed to have some adventure time with us.  Moe is only allowed to come out if his wife okays it.  It gets really freakin annoying to plan anything around his schedule because of “it”.  So we really pumped him up to stand up to his wife, we coached him, and we did some dry-runs of all the different scenarios of the argument. 

We practiced for about a week and it was finally time.  Larry and I were on standby all evening, just in case if something goes wrong.  Moe would be welcome to stay at my house or Larry’s house for however long. 

We finally received an email at 11pm!!! He had the green light to purchase a beater Jeep!  I did reply-all, “Oh, HELL YEAH!”  Larry replied something that wasn’t politically correct, but we were all so happy for Moe.  His “backbone” was finally strengthening!

Our next day consisted of heavy strategizing of the purchase.  We said the purchase has to happen ASAP, before she changes her mind.  Three of us hit Craigslist and EBay really hard.  Found a beater Jeep for $3000usd and we all went to check it out.  It was a great truck, Larry and I gave it four thumbs up.  Moe paid for and you can tell he was beaming.  Not only was this a capable 4×4, it was a trophy, trophy of conquering his fear and adversity.  That made all of us proud of him.  He is such a great guy and he should be able to reward himself once in a while like this.  I volunteered my time to get it fixed up to pass state inspection.  After about 2weeks of repair, the truck was finally ready.  We held a team meeting and we all agreed to hit the 4×4 park for upcoming Saturday, we were set….so we thought…

Moe’s Jeep was definitely worth $3k, but it wasn’t perfect, it was actually next solar system over from being perfect.  Moe decided to celebrate this joyous occasion by driving it around with his two young girls, ages 5 and 7.  They are such adorable little kids, and their daddy loves them to death!  It was a beautiful day, Jeep is driving great, and his girls are having a blast in the back seat. 

Things suddenly turned for the worst when Moe decided to drive his beater Jeep through a mechanical car wash.  I don’t know if you’ve ever been through one, but it’s the kind with 3 giant mechanical rollers; two on either sides and one huge one on the top….Moe’s Jeep is a RAGTOP (made of cloth), a very very very old ragtop 😦

Water started pouring in as some of the smaller holes turned into bigger holes, and the spinning of the rotating machine banging against a cloth cover made it sound like you are in a tornado.  Two girls are screaming in the back, & Moe is screaming in the front.  Moe tries to start the car but it sputters to a stop, he can’t get it started.  In his last ditch effort to save his daughters, he threw himself to the back seat and covered up his two girls.  He feared the roof was going to collapse and kill his girls.

Good news is they all survived, but the ragtop was no longer a top, it was just a rag.    His last email to us was, “I am so fucked”.  Larry and I were frantic; we tried calling him, texting, & email, but no response.    Larry and I were feeling so guilty.  If it weren’t for us, Moe and his girls would have been fine.  One can only guess what kind of wrath he was dealing with.  His girls poured their heart out to their mommy and pretty much ratted him out.  No one knows what happened next inside Moe’s house…  I just know whatever backbone Moe had it just turned into string cheese.  Larry and I were very scared for him.

We finally got email back from Moe saying he can’t join us for the next 4×4 adventure, and that he is selling his Jeep.  He didn’t join us for lunch during that whole month, and he ended up giving the Jeep away for $1500. 

It’s been almost a year since the fallout, and it looks like everything is back to normal.  Moe has paid his “prison sentence” and is able to breathe fresh air again.  We talk about this incident once in a while, and we just start cracking up and it always ends with, “What the hell were you thinking, man?”…ROFL!

Categories: auto, children, family, humor, offroad, wife

When a bear falls from the sky…lol

May 15, 2012 25 comments
funny bear fall

picture of bear falling off a tree

It’s hard not to love funny animal picture.  I came across this one and it was just unbearably funny to me, so I framed it as such…hahaha.  I thought everybody can use a quick laugh this morning. 

Check out his extension and his elegant form! Judges are going wild over the near perfect fall, for a bear.

Note: The way I understand it, this bear went up a tree at some university.  Cops came, shot him with a tranquilizer, and it fell safely on a bear-sized mattress.  Parents, please don’t ever buy a bear costume for your college student…lol

Categories: animals, family, humor

kids’ Mother’s day brawl

May 14, 2012 16 comments

This mother’s day started out with my wife poking me in the morning, asking me to get up and make her some breakfast.  I am half asleep and I THINK I inadvertently told her “you are not my mother; I can make you some cereal when I get up”.  As I was trying to fall back asleep, I felt an eerie omen come over; it was complete silence from other side of the bed.  Every married man knows, when a silence like this makes its presence in the bedroom, something bad is about to go down.  I quickly responded with, “how about I assist the boys in making your breakfast?”

From my bed, I called out for my oldest boy (5yrs old).  I told him to make mommy some lovely breakfast for mother’s day.  My oldest, who I refer to as “the champ”, is an amazing kid.  He loves is mother to death and he will never say “no” to daddy.  As I’m lying on my bed, I can hear all the rustlings and activities going on in the kitchen.  I am smiling because its just too darn cute. 

My champ comes upstairs and tells mommy there is a surprise for her 🙂 She kisses him and we all walk down the stairs.  Long and behold, what do we see?  Our “wee-bear” is caught eating some of the food the Champ has laid out for mommy. 

All hell breaks loose!

My oldest lunges in with a double fisted superman punch and knocks the little one down.  This is when my mother’s day participation comes in.  I pull the oldest one off and I tell the little one to apologize. 

 I proudly prevented bloodbath between these two rivals 🙂

Picture below is the breakfast our Champ made for mommy.

Categories: children, family, humor, wife

The versatile blogger award

April 27, 2012 41 comments

versatile blogger award

Now here is something that doesn’t happen to me every day.  Went for a stroll the other day, came back, and this is what I found in my blogger inbox…lol.

I am actually very thrilled to receive this cool recognition because its from a fellow blogger whom I respect tremendously.  All his blogs are well thought out, humorous, and certainly inspirational.  Thank you “Mr. About me” for the nomination.  His blog address is:

http://newviewfromhere.wordpress.com/about/

Now on with the rules and requirements of this recognition:

——————————————————————————————————-

VBA Rules

If you are nominated, you’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award.

  •  Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
  •  Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
  •  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
  •  Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  •  Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

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Okay, now it my turn to nominate 15 bloggers!  I am going to select bloggers based on the amount of impact they had on my blog.  If this award is new to you, then congratulations! you certainly earned it.  If you are so good and are familiar with these types of nominations/recognitions, well it is just another confirmation from one of your followers to re-affirm how good you are.  Here they are in no particular order.  <Drum roll please>:

1. Cookiemomma: http://cookiemomma.wordpress.com
One of my most favorite bloggers bar none!! Lots of credit to cookiemomma for the dramatic evolution of my blog site.  Intelligent writer, thoughtful commenter, and she is going to make me a superstar among other moms at next kid’s b’day party.  Wait till I unleash my new learned knowledge on cakes and cookies, to rest of these soccer moms.  Oh and, yes, there is a big difference between a soccer mom and a cookiemomma 🙂
2. Fela2fela: http://fela2fela.wordpress.com 
This blogger’s  material is nothing like you’ve ever seen in the blog world.  It’s mostly based on random thoughts and dreams and it just pulls you in.  Many occasions when I read the blog, it stimulates my old memory bank in my head, and brings it out in full force.  You also got to pay attention to all the pictures with the stories because they intertwine so flawlessly.  This particular blog is my favorite story.  The mother’s reply is what adds to the “drama” of the story. http://fela2fela.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/medication/
3. Yibeichen: http://yibeichen.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/stay-at-home-dad/
This blogger may not know this, but Yibei is my first follower and was also my 2000th customer to my site…lol.  Very creative with design and very smart.  This link is my favorite blog from Yibei’s site.  I found myself saying a mouthful on the comment section…lol

4. LifeWorthLiving: http://mylifeworthliving.com
I love underdog story, and what can you say about a gal that was singing “welcome to the jungle” with her daddy when she was small.  She has about one more month to go before being reunited with the love of her life. 

5. Mari Sanchez Cayuso: http://marisancayuso.wordpress.com
Definitely a “heavy weight” when it comes to poetry writing.  Some of them are pretty intense and some will just relax you like warm summer breeze.  And all her comments are just as beautiful.

6. DianeO: http://diane-owens.com/
She just completed her 100 straight days of pretty impressive blogging.  They are all intended to be thought provoking and she has a very lively audience with good interactions.  She is a hippie sorta person and she recently wrote about her relationship with her very Republican father, and was just perfect.  

7. Ignitemenow: http://ignitemenow.wordpress.com
This blogger has a style of writing that will charge you up every time you read it.  I often say it’s a direct replacement for my morning coffee.

8. Dana: http://serenescribe.wordpress.com
Soooo fun!  You can instantly get to know her really well by reading her blogs.  Fun, loving, daddy’s little girl, humorous, and currently the Queen of one liners 🙂  Visit her “favorite blog” page and you’ll see what she is all about.  Anybody that ever wrote bad response to her is an ass.

9. Stephanie Romero: http://stephaniesromero.blogspot.com/
God only knows it’s difficult to understand and comprehend what can possible be going thought my wife’s head.  This blogger has some very wise advice and stories to help me be a more understanding husband.

10. JustWords: http://kzackuslheureux.wordpress.com/
I didn’t think it’s was possible to find somebody that loves camping more than I do.  Lots of great articles on outdoor related stuff and some bit of controversial stuff, but it’s all good.

11. Diane Henders: http://blog.dianehenders.com
An author, business owner, public speaker, gear head, computer nerd, Harley rider, car enthusiast, etc… are you kidding me? You think this person knows a thing or two about getting things done?  Truly inspirational and probably the next biggest celebrity I’ve known since Willie G. Davidson 🙂

12. Donna on Palawan: http://donnaonpalawan.wordpress.com/
I guess when you live in paradise and eat natural foods; you get the result you see on her webpage.  Can’t thank her enough for nudging me to write a letter to my wife.  As soon as I was done writing it, it just felt right.

13. Shawna: http://rosemarymint.wordpress.com
Wonderful poet and a partner in crime to an awesome blogger that tagged me with all this.  Don’t know how she got left out of the original nomination but certainly deserving of it for sure.  You and your husband are wonderful people and your websites are a great reflection of your personalities.

14. Heart of a Mother’s prayers: http://heartofamothersprayers.wordpress.com/
Another great blog to help me understand my wife better.  I think this blog caused me to give my wife some hugs, that I normally wouldn’t have done 🙂

15. xoEvelynOrtizHasSpoken: http://xoevelynortizhasspoken.wordpress.com
Recently stumbled on this gem of a writer.  Great interaction with followers and great material.  I’m tell you folks, this blogger is going places, I recommend jumping on the bandwagon early 🙂

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7things about me

  1.  I was a stay home dad for about 1.5years and she threw me out.
  2. Best job I ever had: Project engineer for Harley Davidson motorcycles.  How cool is it to work side by side with Willie G. Davidson!
  3. Worst job I ever had: working at a local pet shop at $3.75/hr cleaning reptiles, rats, mice, creepy bugs.   I had to quit because I broke out into hives when I mishandled a giant rat and it got on my arm and started climbing up toward my head.  It was the only time I ever screamed like a little school girl.
  4. All the music I ever need to listen to fits nicely in 2 GB memory card.  Consists of Doo-wop, opera, heavy metal, southern rock, & oldies
  5. Got suspended from high school for almost burning it down, accidently.  It was a stupid science experiment gone wrong with other nerds.
  6. My driveway looks like a used car lot, and my garage looks like a bicycle store.
  7. If I wasn’t married I’d be playing video games and be completely worthless to the society. 
Categories: humor, Uncategorized

Bloggers rules of engagement: standard procedure draft “A”

April 18, 2012 46 comments

Do commenters make you feel like this?

I love reading through other people’s blog, leave comments, and occasionally hit those like buttons.  But just like all things in life, you realize one size doesn’t fit all.  I came across a very powerful blog where the writer was venting off about some of the ways readers were interacting with this blogger’s website.  Let’s just hypothetically say his/her name is Rousseau.  Keep in mind, just because I’m referring to the blogger as Rousseau does not mean it’s necessarily a French sounding woman, because it can be any talented blogger, male or female.  I just picked that name after my favorite prime time TV series, LOST :).  Anyway, she was venting off regarding some “mediocre” comments left by one some of her readers and supposedly people hitting the like button when they didn’t even read anything.  I personally don’t care what viewers do when they come to my site, I’m still in shock that people swing by to look through my crap…lol.  But in her defense, she is a very good blogger and she probably gets ton of emails, comments, and the like hits.  She also had plenty of comments that supported her venting.

I tend to view everybody blog site like it’s his/her personal home.  I go into their home and I need to have a proper etiquette.  Every house may have its own variance and rules that may differ from other homes, but I must respect it.

I’m wondering if it’s worthwhile to create a page dedicated to going over some “house rules” for guests.  It would be a sad situation if Joe Blow enters Rousseau’s blog page and leaves a comment about how good her title font is, hits the like button, and he gets blasted by her.  There is enough anger and resentment in this world as is, do we really need to create more?  If this “house rule” page can save the life of one Joe Blow from being blasted, it would be worth it!

Another reason to support the house-rule page, it can prevent the “throttle back condition” that may result.  For example, you want to leave somebody a comment, but you want to be cautious and not be the first one to comment on the topic.  Wouldn’t it be great to eliminate the uncertainty before you start diving into somebody’s blog?

I don’t want to be political here but we are dealing with a political hot potato of “Pro choice vs., Pro restriction” 🙂

Do you think Rousseau’s assumptions should be common sense, or do you think some rules should be documented on the main page?  I would have loved to link Rousseau’s blog here, but I wasn’t sure if there are some release forms I need to fill out before I can do something like that.  During tough times like this, it’s better to “throttle back when you get near a door” than to be caught in a middle of a controversy 🙂

Categories: humor, Uncategorized

3 bears and Goldilocks story (Tour de France style)

April 13, 2012 13 comments

This picture reminds me of “3bears and Goldilocks” story…lol.  There is “Momma bear’s bike” that is sleek, fancy, with all the bells and whistles.  There is “Papa bear’s bike” that is purely functional.  There is “junior bear’s bike” where he can bounce to the moon and back.  And, last but not least, there is “wee bear’s bike” that rocks him all the way to the finish line…lol. 

I didn’t purposely configure our fitness room this way, it just ended up looking like this.  This is our post dinner exercise where we all go in the basement, get on our assigned equipment, and watch Tour de France stages on the big screen.  I suppose it is a pretty funny sight when all four of us are working out at the same time.

Categories: bicycle, children, family, humor, wife

I am flabbergasted by this Guns n’ roses comparison

April 13, 2012 36 comments

 

I’m sitting down with my lunch buddies and we somehow end up talking about a musician named Justin Bieber.  I don’t know anything about this person but my friend’s daughter is really in to him.  Anyway, we start talking numbers.  His music video supposedly has over 720million hits on YouTube.  At this point that number doesn’t mean anything, how does other famous musicians compare? I get back to my desk and I start pulling up info on what I consider to be the greatest musicians of my personal lifetime, Gun n’ Roses.  I can go on about how I wanted to be just like Slash, but truth be known, I’m of the wrong shade and my hair just cannot look like his.  If there ever was a moment where I wanted to smoke, it would have been with torn jeans, top hat, and a 6string.

Back to numbers on Guns N’ Roses:  Paradise city @ 27.5million, November rain 88m, Sweet child o’ mine 43m, Welcome to the jungle 20m, Patience 19m.  It’s nowhere near the 720million number, what the heck going on here?!  Maybe this Bieber guy is the next Beatles.  So on with pulling more numbers.

View numbers on the Beatles: Let it be @ 9million, Hey Jude @ 5m, Imagine @ 6m, Yesterday @ 10m, I want to hold your hand @ 20m, Help @ 20m.

How can this be? Mr.Bieber’s number is much greater than all these top songs combined???!!!  Beatles and Guns n’ Roses have been around lot longer than Justin Bieber, so you would think they would have bigger numbers. 

Now, I am not ignorant and I certainly wasn’t going to disrespect Mr.Bieber just because he is of different era/generation.  Maybe the guy is the next big thing? Maybe he is an amazing musician? Maybe I will like it.  After all, how can 720million viewers be wrong, right?

I found the video of Mr.Bieber; I listened and watched it for about 37seconds(includes Youtube’s 15s ad).  I’m just going to write, in verbatim, exactly what I said to myself,

“…omg, Lord help us all…sigh”

All I did was graduate from college, get married, and have two kids.  I wake up one day and I realize Guns n Roses is classic rock and Justin Bieber is the new Beatles.  I’m having a rough day, folks.

My taxes are going bad, just realized the world and people have changed a lot, and Gun n’ roses will not be reuniting for the Rock n’ roll hall of fame this weekend; Axle Rose still can’t get along with Slash. 

Maybe I should try out that cigarette while wearing a top hat.

Categories: family, humor, music

can underwear outlast a marriage?

April 2, 2012 48 comments

What kind of society are we living in, where underwear can outlast a marriage?

I was reminded of this when I went in for my yearly checkup, and my doctor made a remark about my underwear.  She was little surprised by the “looks” of it.  It’s not dirty or unsanitary; it’s just really old with lots of holes.  I still wear it because it is still 100% functional.  As long as there are no holes near a critical zone, and as long as its elasticity can create enough friction to prevent slippage under standard 1g vertical acceleration, it’s still useable.  Oh, and most importantly, it has to be clean. 

I find it truly amazing this simple piece of clothing can last so long.  I am nearing my 10year wedding anniversary, and I still have bunch of pairs that predate my relationship with my wife! 

I got few thoughts in closing of this blog:

  1. How does Hanes and Fruit of the Loom stay in business? 
  2. Is the issue that underwear is too well made, or is it marriages seems to fail too quickly?
  3. Marriage should last longer than anything you own.

I’m probably just rehashing something everybody is already aware of, but it just doesn’t seem right that many mundane items tend to last longer than most marriages these days. 

Next time you get angry with your spouse, look inside your laundry hamper and ask, “Is he/she better than these dirty old pair of undies?”  The answer should be a definite “YES”.

Please be considerate and don’t let your marriage get beat by some old used underwear, thats just embarrassing 🙂

Categories: family, humor

Hunny bunny sweetie pie, I love you so much. Oh, BTW look what I just won on EBay.

March 28, 2012 22 comments

I’m in a little “dilly of a pickle” (Ned Flanders from Simpsons) this afternoon.  I ended up winning an item on EBay that I had no intention of winning.  Cycling season is in the air and I bid on pair of bicycle wheels with MSRP tag of $2500.00usd.  Of course I’m not crazy, there is NO way I’m spending that kind of money on some bicycle wheels.  I kept my max bid amount at $1101.00 just because I knew there is no way these wheels are gonna go that cheap.  Call it a surprise, miracle, fate, or coincidence.  I get a notice this morning via my smartphone saying I won the wheels for $1100.  My first thought, were all those Ninja Ebayers sleeping?  Those Ninjas always wait till the very last second to snipe the item, but somehow missed out on these wheels.

Now what am I gonna do?  My wife is my director of operation for finance and accounting, I can’t really hide a big purchase like this.  I thought about having my other cycling friend pay for this, and I would pay him back in monthly installment of cash.  I would simply tell my wife I am buying some cheap beater wheels from Larry, in hopes she doesn’t notice the quality and aesthetic difference.  Problem with this approach is, Larry has a wife that watches over his bicycle spending like a hawk, and my wife might know the difference between aluminum wheels vs. carbon fiber wheels.

I can also do the whole flowers, multiple I-love-yous, chocolates, dozen Georgetown gourmet cupcakes, but she’ll know I did something really bad.

I can argue its whole lot better than spending $1100 on gambling, smokes, alcohol, or drugs.  I’m kind of leaning toward this angle if I can’t think of anything better.

I suppose I can also email the seller and tell him my 5yr old son accidently bid on the item without my consent and ask him to cancel my purchase.  This is almost unthinkable because how often do you ever win a lottery? I just won the jackpot here, I can’t give that up.  Besides, what if I get a negative feedback as a result?  I am a model Ebay’er with perfect 100% feedback, and I have various award certificates to prove it.

There is a 3 way conflict going on here. 

  1.  I can’t lie to my wife about this
  2. I am not going to rip up my “winning lottery ticket”
  3. I really don’t want to deal with arguing over, “that money could have been spent on bathroom upgrades, kids clothing, end world hunger, help animal shelters, etc…”
Categories: bicycle, family, humor, wife

Life is tough when you’re not “Brad Pitt”

March 23, 2012 69 comments

It’s about 90F here in picture perfect Maryland.  I am reminded of summertime foods, fruit/vegetable stands on the side of the road, and this topic.

Let me start by setting the stage. 

Scenario #1: Try to picture yourself kayaking in open water, its turbulent, you are little nervous.  Out of nowhere comes Brad Pitt in his own kayak.  He asks, “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you need any help?”

Scenario #2: Try to picture yourself selling fruits and vegetables on a side of the road in some distant foreign country, and you are alone by yourself.  Again out of nowhere, here comes Brad Pitt in his fancy sports car.  Wind is blowing through his perfect movie star hair and he approaches you to start up a conversation, maybe even a little flirt.

Is there anything wrong with any of these situations? Anything alarming?

Okay, let’s use couple of real examples now. 

Example #1:  My buddy was kayaking with his sea specific kayak and enjoying a beautiful day on the ocean, taking photos and just absorbing all the natural beauty.  Things start getting turbulent, so he starts heading back to shore.  He spots a lady in a recreational kayak struggling to get to the shore.  He quickly gets to her and asks very politely, “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you need any help?”  She instantly lashes out at him!  And says, “Stop stalking me, I’m calling the police when I get back!”

Example #2:  Around this time of the year, we have influx of Norwegian teenage girls working fruits and vegetable stands near our house, on a side of a small road.  Lots of respect goes out to these young ladies for doing such a difficult job when they could be out partying or relaxing.  Instead, it’s just her, the stand, & one little umbrella baking under the blistering sun or getting bombarded by rain.  So anyway, my wife and I always try to get something from her because it just feels like the right thing to do.  One time we are waiting at the 4way intersection, and my wife alarms me about our favorite vegetable girl.  She tells me there is something suspicious going on.  I look over and there is a silver Prius, fully decorated with all the “standard” Prius bumper stickers on the rear, parked next to the stand.  There is a middle aged man trying to have a conversation with the vegetable girl.  Wind is gently blowing and his comb-over hair is flying straight up like a sail.  Man has thick glasses and looks just like many of the scientists I work with.  My wife says the situation is very bad and insists the vegetable girl needs help.  She actually pulled out her phone to dial 911 only to find out her phone was dead, as usual…lol.  At this point I am in disbelief that my own wife would react this way.  I simply told my wife to stop profiling.  Just because a guy looks like a creep doesn’t mean he is about to harm her. 

I’m actually curious how many phone calls like this go through 911/police.  Was my wife overreacting? Did my buddy do the wrong thing by offering help?  I never want to be caught in any situation like this, and that’s the reason why I will never ever talk to a stranger woman.  For example, if a stranger lady and I are walking toward a same door, I will always throttle back so she gets there first.  I don’t want to deal with any complication that may result from holding a door open for a lady.

Categories: family, humor, Phone, wife

Inches away from a really bad day…

March 22, 2012 14 comments

Warning1: Do not read this if you are eating/drinking something crunchy, slurry, brown, slimy, sticky, or chunky.

Warning2: Do not read this if you have weak stomach or have bad reaction to bugs.

I believe there is a fine line between a good day, bad day, and an average day.  My morning routine is the most crucial determinant for predicting rest of the day.  Why? Because it sets the pace.  I’m a firm believer in starting out very strong in the morning and trying to keep that momentum going for rest of the day.  It’s always easier to maintain things in motion vs. trying to get something going from static.

Following my usual morning routine at the office, I entered the bathroom one way and came out on the other end.  As I walked out of the bathroom, I nearly stepped on this giant abomination of an organism called a Cockroach!!  I was only merely few inches from having it abdominal slurry plastered on bottom of my dress shoe, with its juice and slime getting between all the crevices on the sole!!

Once you see something this grotesque, your mind just starts spinning out of control.  I’m looking at the open ceilings where these roaches are cruising up and down the plumbing line all day, and heaven forbid one fell off and landed on back of my neck, and went down my shirt!

I safely made it back to my desk and it dawned on me, I was, literally and figuratively, inches away from having a really bad day.  If I would have stepped on this thing it would have completely shut down my momentum and probably would have set the tone for a bad day.

Isn’t life risky? Well, I hope you have a nice day 🙂

Categories: animals, humor, Uncategorized

I am so poor that I am “po”… (part 1)

March 21, 2012 13 comments

 

 

 

Those that grew up in the ghetto probably know what I am talking about.  “po” is half of poor, which should be enough explanation as to what it means.  You know its election season when you hear poor people this and poor people that.  But does anybody even understand what poor is?  Or the evil rich? 

I believe I am well qualified to address this because I’ve been through all the various wealth stages.  I want to discuss meaning of “po” class, middle class, poor class, wealthy class, & evil wealthy class.  First part will talk about my po phase.

Part 1 start

I grew up in pretty rough part of NYC with my sister, mom, and pop.  My dad worked full 7 days from 5am to 11pm, my mother worked from 8am to 8pm, while my sister and I attended local public school together.  Everybody in this public school would be considered poor because almost all the family was on food stamp and welfare.  It was actually pretty easy to see who was on welfare and who was not.

Most kids had real lunch boxes with lots of candies/snacks, & real milk.  They dressed pretty nicely, for living in a ghetto.  Keep in my all this has to be in perspective.  I am not comparing ghetto kids to average kids in some wealthy districts.  They looked good for ghetto standard.

I didn’t have a lunch box, but a mere paper lunch bag that I would use over and over until it was non-functional.  I actually remember crying as a kid because some punk blew up my new lunch bag by blowing air into it and popping it.  I also wore girls clothing to school because my mother sold women’s clothing at a flea market, and I would end up wearing clothes that were returned by customers.  Most kids wore Lee and Levi’s while I was wearing Jordache, Gitano, or Sergio Valente with pink stripes, rhinestones, or little flowers.  Needless to say, I had my fair share of ass-whoopin and bullying.  My lunch was always the same bologna sandwich with water from the fountain, everyday.  I used to always be on a lookout for which kid is throwing away what snacks and I would go pick it out from the trash can to eat it.  Dumpster diving was a way of surviving back in those days.

So by now you have a pretty good understanding of who is “po” and who is poor.  I definitely grew up “po” while those other kids grew up poor.  Now let’s look at the family.

Most of the parents from this school were on welfare, various subsidy, & food stamp programs.  That also meant their kids qualified for free milk at school.  They also lived in nice apartments because it had air conditioning.  Most of them also had cable TV and a car.   

According to the tax codes, my parents made too much money to qualify for welfare, food stamp, & apartment subsidy.  Our apartment was so hot, we didn’t have a/c.  I always hated summer for this reason.  According to the government, my family was a middle class.  

Based on my experience I am going to say, poor is if you are in certain welfare class and certain middle class.

Based on my experience I am going to say, Po is if you are in the bottom middle class, just above the welfare cutoff threshold.  You get no free help even though you can be a penny above the cutoff mark.  Bottom middle class people need most amount of help and most amount of sympathy.  They are usually the type that work their asses off and refuse to take a handout.  I admire these people for their strength and durability.  I have no sympathy for anybody living under the welfare cutoff number, because there are group of people who has far less, in worse condition.  I’ll go one step further and say most of these welfare recipients live better than most middle income families. 

To be continued…

Categories: family, humor

Poll: Movies that might determine a good man.

March 20, 2012 22 comments

I was beginning to comment on someone else’s blog regarding, “finding a good man”, when I realized there might be a common pattern among good men.  So rather than violating someone else’s comment page, I decided to draft it out on my home turf.  Please don’t take this too seriously; it’s only for entertainment value only.

I enjoy watching movies and love to talk about them with other folks.  In doing so, I noticed there seemed to be some kind of pattern forming with certain movies.  I can’t prove this, but I think there might be some kind of correlation between certain movies and men.  Here is a list of top 10, which seems to come up over and over among my good friends & coworkers.  FYI, I define a good guy as the type that is good enough to date my sister.

You think you are a good man, or you think you are hooked up with a good man?  Any correlation with the list?

Categories: family, humor

Is this a good advice, from this man?

March 7, 2012 7 comments

 I like getting advice from folks that has “been there, done that”.  The most intriguing advice I ever got was from an old man, on marriage/wife/kids.  His said, “Key to successful long everlasting marriage is…” <short pause> “make your decision based on what will make her quiet” 

I have a lot of respect for this old man; he only had one love of his life, he talks and resembles Santa Claus, and children love him.

Categories: children, family, wife

Best dog video

February 25, 2012 9 comments

I can’t explain why I can’t get enough of this video.  It makes me cry with laughter every time..hahaha.

If you want to laugh, this will do it every time.
Categories: animals, children, family, humor

My best moment as a father and a husband

February 15, 2012 8 comments

This event happened several days ago but it still makes me laugh, so its a sure indicator of a good post for my blog. 

It was just an ordinary dinner at my house, just me, the two boys (5 and 3), and my lovely wife.  The two boys are talking back and forth about what they are going to give mommy for valentine day.  It was pretty cute to see them go back and forth trying to “one-up” each other.  Eventually, oldest one settles on full size Hershey’s chocolate and the little one settles on his ring pop.  It was a really sweet gesture because I know how much those two items mean to them.  Full size chocolate bar is so valuable to my oldest because we rarely allow any candy in the house and when he does get one, it’s always the little baby sized ones.  The ring pop is also the most treasured item for my youngest.  It’s almost halfway eaten thus it is a “used” item.  He guards it like a pit-bull, and it’s the only candy that has lasted this long because he only allows himself to get few licks/day before he packs it away for another day.  So now, I just couldn’t just sit on the sideline and let this simply play out like this.  After my boys made their final decision, I stand up and yell out, my valentine to mommy will be the bestest in the whole wide world!!  I see the look on my kids face and you know they are getting nervous.  “What are you gonna get mommy, daddy? asks the oldest.  I boast bombastically, “I’m getting her a shiny new expensive Proform Tour de France training bicycle for Valentine’s Day, and it is sooooo expensive and sooooooo beautiful that nobody can get her anything better….HAHAHA!”  Please keep in mind I am just playing around and my wife is a tri-athlete.  I just know there is somebody getting ready to blast me with a hate mail for getting my wife a nice bicycle when my avatar shows how much I like bicycles, too.  I promise you, my wife really loves this bike.  So anyway, going back to the dinner table, my kids are in shock, devastated, and feeling hopeless.  I don’t ever recall having a quiet moment at the dinner table like that…lol.  You can clearly see my boys are worried sick to their stomach.  I just had to take another jab again.  I ask the young one, “Sooooo, what did you say you were gonna get mommy?”  He replied, “It’s a secret, I’m not telling you.”  LOL, I was balling in tears!  Then I turn to my older one and ask the same question.  He was in complete silence with facial signs of distress everywhere, I was actually getting worried he might start crying right then.  He looked over to mommy, with the saddest puppy face, for some kind of miracle, hope, or sign that was clearly starting to dissipate from him.  You can see the sadness in his eyes, worried his mommy would love him less because daddy’s gift is so much nicer, and knowing it was beyond impossible to match daddy’s gift.  I wish I could have taken a picture of them looking at each other; it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.  Mommy didn’t say anything back, but I can tell she was getting all teary eyed, too.  She understood what was going through his little mind and she understood he felt that way because of how much he loved her.  My oldest truly loves mommy beyond anything in this world.  I started getting little choked up because it was so sweet, beautiful, and innocent.  Just when I think it won’t get any worse, my oldest finally starts to say something.  He was very choked up and emotional as he was trying to say what was on his mind.  He says, “Mommy, I’m gonna give you my heart for Valentine’s Day…” and he starts crying uncontrollably.  That immediately sets off chain reaction of tears.  My wife embraced my oldest, the kind of embrace only a loving & caring mother can give, and starts crying with him.  I’m trying to hold back my tears, while my youngest is getting upset because he now understands he has the worst present for mommy…lol.  My youngest is at an age where he realizes it stinks to be so little.  He gets very frustrated at times when he knows what he want to do, but he just can’t accomplish it because…he is only three. 

Everybody had wonderful dinner and everybody is feeling pretty good, so we just resumed our normal activity after dinner.  Kids run off to play with their toys for next 30min while mommy and daddy catch up with day’s events at the dinner table.    My oldest kept interrupting by asking us to spell “love”.  What happened next was something words cannot describe, so I am not even gonna attempt to describe it.  Please refer to Figure 1 below, mommy is the tall skinny one.  He did that 100% all by himself, no help from anybody, from scratch.  Its days like this where parenting has its greatest reward.  This one day makes up for all the chaos, destructions, broken electronics, crying, fighting etc…, and whatever grief these kids will cause in the future.  The little one hears all commotion going on and takes a break from his Thomas & friends to see what is going on.  Realizing he is snuffed again, he is now DEMANDING somebody help him create an art project that will match what his older brother just did.  Folks, when things get this cute, this fast, I cannot control myself.  I start chasing these two rugrats around until they are cornered, then I give them a big giant bear hug to squeeze out whatever cuteness remains within them..lol. 

I guess we all know who won the Valentine’s day challenge of 2012 🙂

Mommy's valentine

Categories: bicycle, children, family, wife
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