I’m a bad man

Lindt chocalate courtesy of Bing images

So I’ve been away from blogging world for almost 3months now.  No need to discuss what I was up to, but this blog needs to happen ASAP, because it’s eating me up.

My wife is a tri athlete and we are both middle aged.  Problem is it takes enormous amount of work to keep the body she has and actually lot more work because she is a middle aged woman.  I try to be as understanding as possible but it is freakin hard when I rarely see her sometimes and I have to take care of the kids and take care of the house, on top of everything else I gotta take care of while she is doing her thing.  On this particular day I was really annoyed because it was months from her first triathlon event and she was training every freakin day!  I was so pissed because I was so f’in tired as hell and first thing she does is leave when I come home.  I don’t see her till the next morning because she practically lives in the gym/pool.

When a man gets tired and upset beyond his max limit, he is destined to do something really dumb.  I mistakenly made series of mistake that caused great remorse…all over one little bad decision I made.  This day started with same ol same ol.  I come home, she says goodbye, I feed the kids, bath them, and I put them down to sleep.  I think this evening was quieter than other evenings and maybe I had little more difficult time at the office than other days.  I didn’t eat dinner so I was hungry, but didn’t have appetite for anything.  As I’m moping around on the couch thinking how shitty my life was, I ended up reaching for the phone.  I called our babysitter to come over ASAP.  I went upstairs to shower groom and put on something nice for the evening.  At this point I was committed to going through with what I planned.

The babysitter arrived at the door, I let her in and I told her that kids are asleep so it shouldn’t be too bad.  I told her I had somewhere to go and that I should be back in about 2hours.  I got in the car and I drove straight to Ruth Chris steakhouse and dined by myself.

I later got home and I really prayed(knelt down), for improvement and wishing my wife wasn’t so into fitness and health.  This was a prayer I would later regret because it was done 3days before the 1st triathlon event of the year.

The very next day was our coed volleyball game.  We ran a routine play where I’m setting from the back row and my wife was switching from middle to outside hitter position.  Nobody can explain what happened during that moment.  My wife just stood in the middle while everybody else was shifting around for the offensive setup.  Nobody touched her but somehow she just spun around and BADLY tore her right ankle.  I knew this was serious because she couldn’t get up and she was in tears.  She went to see the doctor and was devastated to learn that she wouldn’t be able to walk for a very long time; she will miss her 1^st triathlon of the year.  The doctor and I also knew she was probably finished for rest of the year.  If you’ve ever had your impossible prayer answered, you know what I was feeling, I was in shock.  I felt so much guilt at this point as you can imagine, I couldn’t believe what just happened.

My wife does not know what I prayed about the night before her accident.  I would see my wife in crutches and ankle support and I just felt terrible.  I thought one way I can mitigate the situation was to make her feel comfortable and happy as possible.  Some of her favorite comfort snacks are Lindt chocolates and potato chips.  I went out and purchased enough chips and Lindt chocolates to last a whole year….so I thought.  My wife was putting away a whole package of Lindt chocolates every other day!  In two months she put on about 15pounds and I can visually see that she has gotten softer and larger.  I then realized if I keep this up my wife may completely give up on fitness.  I was having all sorts of selfish and evil thoughts.  What if she puts on additional 50 pounds and she completely gives up on fitness, wouldn’t my life be sooooo much better?  I loved having my wife home and having a full house.  House looked clean, smelled clean, and it felt like a real family.

To be continued in part 2